Page 176 of Guarding Grace
“Relationship?” she squeaked. “After a week? It doesn’t work like that.”
Hold it together, Marine.“It hasn’t been a week.” I took her hands. “I’ve wanted you for years.”
Tears formed in her eyes. “I’m scared. This is going too fast. We haven’t really gotten to know each other.”
“Maybe I’ve tried to hide the real me by being mean to you, but I’ve known you for years, the real you.” I slid my hands up to her shoulders. “I know the woman you are, and you’re the one for me.”
“We don’t know each other like a normal couple gets to know each other because we haven’t dated. I don’t even know your favorite flavor of ice cream.”
Finally, some steps I could take. “Rocky road, and we can do a dinner date tonight.”
“It’s not a set of boxes to check off.”
“Fine, no dinner date.” I backed off a step. Stupid me. I knew she always reacted to pressure by pushing back. It was her default fighting response, which had enabled me to keep her at a distance for years. It also meant I still couldn’t give her the good news I wanted to, knowing she’d take it as coercion.
“Look, I’m scared that maybe we’re not compatible. My business is on the edge and needs all my time,” she said. “I’m afraid that as fast as you’ve decided you want me, maybe you’ll let me go just as fast when I can’t give you the time you want. And maybe we don’t enjoy the same things, we don’t want to do the same things.”
Those were separate concerns that I clearly couldn’t address all at once. She wanted to be in charge, so it was time to retreat and regroup. Remembering Lucas’s quote,“Set her free,”I pulled out my keys, removed the one for the house, and set it on the counter.
She stared at it wordlessly.
Noticing a Sharpie nearby, I pulled off the cap and drew on the head of the key.
“Christmas. The alarm code is Christmas, one-two-two-five. You can come over if and when you want.”
“But—”
I cut her off. “I’ve told you how I feel. It’s time for you to decide how you feel.” With that, I cradled her face in my hands and gently kissed her goodbye.
In Syria, facing a crazed terrorist, I’d once been completely helpless when my ammo ran dry. When the dude had changed mags, I’d charged him with only my knife. That had been the scariest day of my existence.
But closing the door behind me now was a new level of scary.
I’d just let go of the most important person in my life. I’d invited her to leave me. What if she never used the key?
Then she’d never really been mine, according to the quote.
Grace
The door closed,and I walked over to the couch and slumped into it.
He was gone. What was I doing? What was he doing?
“Clyde?” I called for my cats. “Bonnie, you can come out now. It’s safe.”
No cats. Not even a meow in response.
“Traitors, where are you? I came back here so you’d be happy.”
Nothing. The room was as empty as my heart. That’s when I noticed this room had none of the sunshine that permeated Terry’s place.
Knuckles rapped on my door, and my heart leaped into my throat.
He’s back.
Rushing to the door, I was about to fling it open when I remembered to check the peephole like Terry had always warned me to do.
Happy to see Serena, I opened the door.
