Page 80 of Hidden Vows
His eyes bounce between mine, searching for something before he continues. “I know I’ve said it before, I wish I could say I’d take it all back, but we don’t know where we’d be if we did, and I wouldn’t trade anything to be where we are now.” He steps closer, erasing the last inch of space between us. “You’re it for me,” he repeats. “And I’ll stop at nothing to prove that to you.”
“Jude—” I start, but I have no idea what I want to say. Words can’t express what I’m feeling in this moment.
He’s right. No matter how terrible these last seventeen years have been, they’ve led us here—back together and with a baby growing inside me.
I don’t know where we’d be if we never split up, but I know we wouldn’t have made this baby, and even if I haven’t met him or her yet, I already love them more than I thought possible.
This man was my whole world. Everything I did revolved around him, and him around me. That’s not healthy for a relationship. We both needed to find out who we were as individuals—our likes and dislikes, our wants and needs.
I hated not having him in my life, but I also like who I’ve become over this last decade and a half. I’m stronger because of our time apart, and so is he.
Jude’s thumbs stroke my cheeks, bringing me back to this moment. “You don’t have to say anything. I just don’t want you to doubt my feelings for you. Not anymore.”
“I love you too.” I bring my hands up to his wrists, gripping them tight, not wanting him to move. “You’re right. We wouldn’t be where we are today—who we are today—without you leaving when you did, and I wouldn’t want to be anyone other than I am now.” I take a breath, and with it, all the pressure in my chestreleases. It’s easier to breathe now, easier than it’s been my entire life.
“It doesn’t take away all the pain we’ve both been through, but it somehow makes it easier knowing I have you now. And nothing anyone does or says is going to change that.” I move to my toes, bringing my lips within an inch of his. “I love you too,” I whisper, finally touching his lips with mine and kissing him like he’s the last man I’ll ever kiss again—because he is.
“Wow,” Ava says, right before she grunts. “What was that for?” she whisper-shouts.
“Ruining the moment,” Quinn responds in kind.
“Now you are too,” Emily growls.
“All three of you are.” Caleb laughs, but then I hear the sound of the door swinging back and forth and know he’s ushered them out the door.
“I’m gonna marry you,” Jude whispers against my lips.
“Hmm,” I hum. “I like the sound of that.” My body melts into his.
Jude pulls back, just enough to look me in the eyes, his hands still cupping my cheeks. “Yeah?”
“Definitely.” I sigh.
“Big wedding?”
“No, small. Just our family.”
He quirks a brow. “We’ve got a pretty big family.”
“We have the perfect family.”
He pulls me back in for another kiss, this one just as slow and methodical as the last one. There’s no rush, not anymore. We both know the other is in this for the long haul. I was pretty confident in that before today, but now there’s not a single ounce of doubt.
“Next month,” he demands, his lips never leaving mine.
“That’s not enough time to plan,” I whine, pulling awayslightly.
“Plan what? It’s a small wedding.” He grins.
“November,” I counter. “As long as Walt’s out of the hospital,” I rush to add before he can say anything.
I want more time to plan something a little more formal than our first wedding. I loved our courthouse wedding, but this time we get to share the day with everyone we hold close to our hearts and I want to make that special.
“All right. As long as Dad is out of the hospital, November it is.” The relaxed smile that slips across his lips makes my heart leap.
There’s still a lot for us to figure out. Where we’re going to live, for one, because neither of our one bedroom apartments is meant for raising a child.
And I’ll need to talk to my dad. Even with the horrible things he said today, I don’t want to lose him. I still have hope we can fix our relationship. It’ll never be what I want it to be. It’ll never be the kind of relationship Jude has with Walt, or Gage has with his parents, but it could still be something. Maybe it’s wishful thinking but I have to believe he walked away the way he did tonight because of the audience we had.
