Page 37 of Hidden Vows
“It reminded you of her.”
“Yeah, and I just wasn’t ready for that.”
“I was sorry to hear about Grace. I know it wasn’t a surprise, but that doesn’t make it any easier.”
Grace Selbey was more than kind to me. She’d been the only mother figure I had growing up.
My father was my whole world as a kid. He was there for every milestone, scraped knee, school activity—anything you’d wish for your father to be, he was it.
But he couldn’t fill every shoe I needed—though he tried his damnedest. Where my dad missed, Grace was there, filling thegaps.
When she got sick and was diagnosed with ALS a few weeks after Abbey and I were married, it nearly broke both of us—not our relationship, but our spirits. Grace was our biggest supporter and was so happy when we told her about our marriage. She’d been sad she wasn’t there, but we didn’t have to explain why we did it the way we did—she just got it.
Grace knew better than we did how Edward would’ve reacted had he known about the wedding before it happened, and she understood why it had to happen in secret. But her joy when we told her was unlike anything I’d seen from her before.
“She loved you,” Abbey whispers, and the words just about break my heart.
“I know,” I say around the lump in my throat. “I hate that I wasn’t here for you both in the end,” I tell her honestly.
I see the tears well in the corners of her eyes before she can look away. “Well…” She swallows. “It happened a long time ago.” She turns to the shelf she was working on and begins packing boxes again.
I know it’s a defense mechanism, and I understand it. I want to say more, but that would mean talking about the past, and I can’t do that if I want to stick to my plan. I told Abbey I’d help her focus on her future, and that’s what I’m going to do. Once she opens this store, I’ll focus on getting her to talk to me about that night and the last seventeen years.
My fingers ghost over the note in my pocket once more before I get back to work, ignoring the rest of the notes. I can only imagine what the rest will do ifonenote sent me into a tailspin.
—
August 5, 2019
Do you remember the night about six weeks after we got married?
That’s a stupid question. I have no doubt that night will forever be ingrained in your brain. I came home plastered and way later than was acceptable.
There’s so much I wish I could change about that night. First and foremost, I wish I told you the truth about what happened.
It’s interesting how all the moments we lied to each other—and there weren’t many—come back to your father. But, then again, maybe it shouldn’t be a surprise.
It’s funny. Your mom always wished she’d been strong enough to stand up to your father, and when I was put in a similar situation, I did the same thing she did—I caved to his demands.
I couldn’t be the reason my dad lost the bar. He would’ve told me not to worry about him, but I couldn’t do it. It was all he had left from my grandfather.
And I couldn’t be the reason you’d never see your motheragain, especially when your time with her was already limited.
Your father knew exactly what he was doing when he talked to me that night. He knew exactly what buttons to push.
He knew you and my dad were my greatest weaknesses. You two were the most important people in my life—you still are.
I couldn’t stand by and watch you both suffer. Though, I guess…in the end, I did.
I’ll never forgive myself for that night, even if it didn’t happen the way I let you think it did.
seventeen
ABBEY
My eyes dartto the clock above the door at the sound of the soft knock.Who could be knocking on my door at almost one in the morning?
It’s rare for me to have people visiting my apartment at any time of the day, but this late at night makes me nervous. I tiptoe to the door, trying to make sure I don’t make a sound and peek through the peephole. The sight of the person shouldn’t surprise me. He’s been true to his word, focusing on helping me make my dreams a reality. I don’t think there’s been a single day he hasn’t stopped by the bookstore to bring coffee and help in some way. He never made it in today, and if I’m honest, it hurt a little.
