Page 22 of Hidden Vows
And as if on cue, Ava rushes through the door. “Sorry, I’m late! Benny called this morning to see if I could stop by the office and I lost track of time.”
“It’s all right. Dad and I were just getting ready to sit down.” Istep next to my dad, introducing the two of them. “Dad, this is my friend, Ava Day. Ava, this is my dad, Edward Selbey.”
Maybe I should be more concerned that this is the first time my dad is meeting a person I’ve become close to for almost seven months, but it doesn’t surprise me. Dad doesn’t spend much time in Ashford Falls, and when he is here he doesn’t leave his house often. I think it has something to do with being surrounded by Mom. Even though she’s been gone fifteen years, that house still feels like her.
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Selbey.” Ava extends her arm for a handshake, a friendly smile stretching across her lips.
“Ava Day? Aren’t you a lawyer? Didn’t I hear that name in connection with a case between Scott Marks and his ex-wife?” Dad returns the handshake, but there’s judgment in his tone.
“Oh, um, yes,” Ava offers hesitantly. “I guess I’m technically still a lawyer, though practicing law isn’t my primary focus anymore.”
“Interesting that you’d give up such a lucrative career to work at a bookstore.”
“Dad!”
“No, it’s fine, Abbey.” Ava straightens, waving me off. “He’s not wrong. But luckily, I recently learned that I really don’t care what other people think.” A saccharine smile twists her lips. “I’ll work on organizing the back room.” She turns away from my father, a genuine smile meeting her lips. “I’ll listen for the bell, but since you’re out of treats, I’m sure it’ll be a slow afternoon.”
“Thanks, Ava.” I squeeze her hand as she walks past, my eyes narrowing on my dad as I do.
It doesn’t faze him as he strides over to the armchairs in the back corner of the store. “Well, she may have made a stupid choice giving up her job, but I can appreciate that she doesn’t let anyonebring her down about it.”
“Of course you do,” I mumble, sitting in the chair beside his. He may judge her for giving up a job he thinks is far more valuable to society, but he’ll respect her for standing up for herself.
“So, what business did you want to discuss?” He unbuttons his suit jacket before sitting in his chair, crossing one leg over the other.
I sit straight in my seat and hand him the folder. “I wanted to discuss an investment opportunity.”
“So, how’d it go?”Ava rushes to my side as my father walks out of the store.
“He said he wanted to review the numbers on his own before making a decision.” I can’t stop myself from staring in the direction he walked, even long after he’s gone. “I honestly don’t know what he’ll do,” I mumble more to myself than Ava.
“I’m not one to talk; you know about my parents, but your dad seems like he actually cares about you. My parents never would’ve sat down to hear a business proposal, and they definitely don’t call to check in on me the way your dad has.” Her arm snakes around my waist as her head lands on my shoulder, offering comfort in a way I didn’t know I needed.
I drop my head to hers and wrap my arm around her shoulder in return. “I know he does, but that doesn’t mean he’ll just give me whatever I want.”
“That business plan is genius.” She straightens, removing her arm from around me. “The only corrections I made were grammatical ones. There’s no way he doesn’t invest.” She spins away, marching over to the books I never finished putting away. “I’m manifesting that shit!”
I don’t even try to stop the laugh that bursts out of me, and it feels good to let it out. For too long, I’ve let the heaviness of my past hang over me. I’ve let it weigh me down and dictate not just my actions but my emotions too.
Somewhere along the way, I started to think I didn’t deserve to laugh and have fun. Like, by admitting defeat and getting divorced, it meant I wasn’t allowed to try again so why put myself out there?
Maybe it’s time to change all that, to really open myself up to the possibility of more—not just with people I’m starting to consider my true friends, but with others too.
I’d been so closed off to everyone around me, refusing to let anyone know me, even in a small way. Before Ava walked through the door of this store all those months ago, I can’t even remember the last time I laughed or the last time I’d gone out on a date.
I haven’t exactly been celibate over the last seventeen years, but I wouldn’t call what I’ve been doing dating either. There were no outings around town or shared anecdotes, just a couple of men I’d let close enough to feel comfortable allowing them into my home for a few hours. It was safer that way—no chance of getting close or getting hurt again.
And if I’m honest, that first time felt too much like cheating on Jude—even if it had been years after our divorce was finalized.
From the moment we had our first kiss, I thought I’d marry Jude, and when we did marry it was like all my dreams came true. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. And no matter what happened between us, I didn’twantanyone else.
The guilt I felt after the first time with someone else was like nothing I’d ever experienced before, and I know it was made worse by the fact it was someone I knew nothing about. I may notremember his name, but I remember everything else about that night.
I’d finally convinced myself to take a little trip—not far, just a few towns over—but I never made it further than the bar. It was nothing like Murphy’s, and I hated it the second I walked through the door, but it didn’t stop me from claiming a seat and ordering a drink.
I wouldn’t say I was drunk, but I was definitely tipsy—so was the guy. He was cute and the complete opposite of Jude, exactly what I thought I needed. He was kind and attentive, making sure I was okay with everything happening between us, and he honestly wasn’t bad. The issue wasn’t anything he did or said; it was that he wasn’t my husband, the man I’d always be in love with.
The guilt that overcame me the second he pulled out and rolled off me was unimaginable, yet somehow I kept it together until I made it to my car. I broke down the second I was behind the wheel, my heart shattering into a million pieces all over again.
