Page 17 of Hidden Vows
“Yes, sir!” Ava laughs as she salutes him, ruining the gesture entirely, but the fond look that crosses Gage’s face has a little flare sparking in my chest—wishing I had that kind of connection with someone else.
seven
ABBEY
My heart rate spikes,and I can’t help but be thankful that I’m not the one hooked up to the heart monitor. This book has been such a roller coaster ride and so incredibly different from every other AJ Doherty book I’ve ever read. The characters are still just as intricate and intriguing, but the storyline follows a path I’m not used to in his books.
It’s almost like he’s following the formula for a romantic suspense more than a thriller, and I just don’t know how I feel about it. I love a good romance novel, but AJ Doherty is the furthest author from my mind when I think of romance. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a hint of romance in any of his previous books, and I’ve been following him since he published his first book almost ten years ago.
My heart might be pounding, but my brows pinch with the cliffhanger at the end of the chapter. There’s no reason for me to close the book right now, but that’s exactly what I find myself doing.
Placing my bookmark, I close the book and tilt it to see how much further I have—about halfway there. I could finishit easily, but I still place the book in the empty seat next to me, done reading for now.
My eyes move to the hospital bed in front of me, and I can’t stop myself from moving to the edge of my seat, taking Walt’s hand in mine. While the doctors have started to wean Walt off the medication keeping him sedated, he hasn’t shown any signs of waking up.
“You have to be okay, Walt. I just got you back. I’m not ready to say goodbye yet.” My voice is hoarse and I have to swallow to stop the tears building in the back of my throat. “I don’t know what to do, Walt,” I whisper, dropping my head to the edge of his bed, his hand still held in mine. “How am I supposed to live across the hall from him?”
It’s been almost a week since he moved into our old apartment—the apartment I refused to even look at the first few months after I moved into mine.
I almost didn’t accept Marybelle’s offer to move into the space above the bookstore when I first started working there nearly a decade ago. The thought of all the reminders simply seeing that door would conjure terrified me. To this day, the first memories that run through my brain are some of the happiest moments of my life.
Jude was adamant about carrying me over the threshold the day we moved into the apartment, no matter how ridiculous I told him it was. But there was so much joy and laughter that day. We didn’t have much when we moved, but we had each other, and that felt like more than enough.
I lift my head, looking at Walt. I know he won’t respond, but that doesn’t stop me from talking to him as if he will.
“It might not be fair, but no matter how much time has passed, I’m still hurt. I know I have every right to be hurt, but I hate that Ican’t let it go. I hate that I’m not stronger.” Releasing Walt’s hand, I sit back in my seat, my eyes never leaving his face.
Almost a week of living across the hall from Jude, and I’ve run into him every day. No matter what time I leave—and believe me, I’ve changed up the time every day—he’s still stepping out of his space at the same time. He doesn’t say anything, but he watches me carefully as if I might disappear if he looks away.
“I’ve seen him every day, Walt, and even though he doesn’t say a word, it’s like I know what he’s thinking.” My eyes fall to my hands in my lap, afraid of some judgment I know doesn’t exist. “Maybe it’s because I’m thinking the same thing—how different would our lives be if we made different choices in that one moment?” Standing from my seat, I move to the window overlooking the parking lot.
I’m not sure if I really thought I’d ever see Jude again. I think part of me always knew I would, but then again, I worked next door to Walt for ten years and still managed to avoid laying eyes on him. Not for any reason other than seeing him would always remind me of Jude, and I couldn’t handle that pain.
Seeing Walt definitely made me think of Jude, but I was wrong about the pain. It wasn’t the thought of Jude that hurt me when I finally spoke to Walt again; it was the realization that I missed out on sixteen years with a man who had been like a father to me. I was in pain because I knew how much I hurt Walt, a man who never deserved that kind of treatment.
“I know I’m not the same person I was seventeen years ago, so how can I treat him like he’s the same? How can I feel for him as strongly today as I did back then?”
A noise behind me causes my entire body to jolt. Spinning to see the source of the sound, my heart rate spikes again.
I shouldn’t be shocked by the person standing in thedoorway—he has every right to be here—but I hoped I’d have a little more time to myself.
“Sorry, I can come back.” Jude stuffs his hands into his pockets but doesn’t move to leave, his eyes staying trained on me.
“No. He’s your father. You should stay.” It takes a moment, but I unstick my feet and move back to the chair I was sitting in.
“He’d want you to be here,” he whispers, taking a few steps into the room.
“I’ve been here for an hour, and it’s not like he knows who’s here.” I reach for my bag on the floor, dropping it into my empty seat as I put my things away.
“Do you really believe that? That he can’t hear you?”
“I honestly don’t know, but either way, he’d want you here more than anyone else.” My voice is harsher than I mean, but I can’t control it. It’s not something I’m proud of, but I can’t find the energy to care right now.
The only sound in the room is the beeping from Walt’s monitor, and I take Jude’s silence as acceptance, returning to packing my things.
“Are you enjoying it?” he asks, and I look at him, wondering what he’s referring to, but find his eyes resting on the book in the seat beside me.
I contemplate ignoring him for only a second before I answer, unable to keep my thoughts to myself. “I don’t know, which might say exactly how I feel about it,” I mutter as I slide the book into my bag.
