Page 12 of Hidden Vows
There’s so much more to that statement, but I’ve walked down memory lane enough for today. And the truth is, I’m already raw from simply seeing him yesterday. Anymore, and I’m not sure how I’ll be able to function.
“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to tell me?” Ava asks incredulously.
“Yes, because I may not know Jude like I used to, but I know how much he loves his father. And until Walt is back on his feet, Jude won’t be going anywhere.” It’s not the complete truth, but it’s not a total lie either. No matter how much I still hurt from what happened between us, I know what it’s like to see a parent lying in a hospital bed, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
“So?”
“I don’t want to influence what you think of Jude. The town will try to do that enough and no matter what, he deserves to have a little peace while he deals with everything.”
“You’re too nice sometimes,” Ava mumbles.
“No, I’m not.” I push off the side of the sink, moving to collect the containers of sweets. “It’s been seventeen years since I’ve spoken to Jude. I have no idea what kind of man he is now, and it’s not fair to judge someone based on the mistakes they made as a child. Because no matter how grown-up we thought we were, that’s what we were—children.”
“Abbey,” Ava calls as I walk to the door, making me stop to look at her over my shoulder. “You looked devastated when yousaw him yesterday.”
Turning to face her head on, I give her another truth. “Because the boy I remember had such a light about him, and the man I saw yesterday was shrouded in darkness. No matter what happened between us, I don’t want him to be unhappy.”
I’m not entirely sure that’s the truth, but it’s how I want to feel about him. I want to wish him well in all of his endeavors. If I can do that, it will mean I’ve moved on from all of it.
And it’s time to move on—it’s more than time.
“I don’t even know the details, but I can imagine based on your face right now, and I don’t think I could forgive Gage if he hurt me like that,” Ava offers as she moves to open the door for me, grabbing my bag from beside the door and twisting the lock on her way out.
“I’ve had seventeen years to come to terms with all of it. If you asked me how I felt right after it happened, I would’ve had a much different response.”
“Still, you’re a better person than I am.”
No, I’m really not.
I don’t know how to respond, so I don’t.
In the silence, we make our way downstairs and enter Falls Book Haven from the back door. My eyes wander to the right just before I step inside, to the back door of Murphy’s, and I wonder how long it’ll be before I’ll have to start avoiding the bar again.
five
JUDE
“Any updates?”At the sound of the deep voice, I lift my head to see who’s come to visit my dad now.
I’d forgotten truly how small Ashford Falls was until yesterday afternoon. I got maybe twenty minutes alone with Dad after Abbey and everyone left before others started showing up. And somehow, even though the doctor said it was immediate family only, they still appeared at the door.
It was nice seeing some of the faces, especially Nick and Laura, Gage’s parents. I was a little surprised to see themsotogether, considering the last time I saw them, Laura was married to her second husband, and Nick had only just divorced his third wife. But then again, a lot can change when you avoid your hometown like the plague and refuse to be filled in on what’s happening from the one person you keep in contact with.
It was strange seeing some other faces, though. When I left, there were people who stayed far away from anyone with the last name Murphy, only stepping into the bar because they wanted a drink and couldn’t get it anywhere else.
I never got the full story, but I know it had something to dowith my grandparents and the founding family of Ashford Falls. My dad always said it was a big misunderstanding that people refused to acknowledge. Even when the Ashfords moved away—long before I was born—people still avoided us outside the walls of Murphy’s.
But I guess this was another thing that changed over the last seventeen years, because people I swore would be glad to see my father laying in a hospital bed showed up with genuine sympathy on their faces.
This time, it’s Gage at the door, dressed casually. He’s by himself today, and I wonder if he’s technically on duty since his badge is clipped to his belt.
“Nothing new since my last text. They’re keeping him sedated and monitoring the swelling in his brain.” I stand, stretching slightly before moving to the window overlooking the parking lot.
“Did you get any rest last night?” Gage asks, taking a spot at my side.
“They brought a cot in for me, but I didn’t really sleep.”
We’re both quiet for a few minutes. I have a feeling Gage wants to ask me about yesterday with Abbey, but I honestly don’t know what to say. I always knew I loved Abbey, and I knew that love would never go away.
