Page 74 of Hidden Vows
“Perfect. Come by whenever you have time and we can work out all the details. I want to make sure it’s worth your while.”
Sarah nods but isn’t able to say anything else before she’s called away. I wave her off, letting her know we’ll catch up again before I leave. I have no doubt she’ll be in to check on Walt at some point during my visit.
I know there’s plenty I could be working on at the store, but I want to be here right now. Jude was surprised when I told him I wanted to come visit his dad this morning, but he didn’t question it or ask to join me—more proof he knows something is going on with me.
The beeping from the machines in Walt’s room have become so normal there’s a comfort in hearing them the moment I cross the threshold. The rhythmic sound is a constant reminder that his heart is still beating, that he’s still with us.
I slide the door closed behind me, closing out the sounds of the rest of the unit before stepping forward and pressing a kiss to Walt’s forehead.
“Come on, Walt,” I whisper. “It’s time to wake up. We need you.” I pause where I am, inches from his face, as if he’ll open his eyes on command even though I’ve made this same request numerous times over the last two months and nothing has happened.
“Oh, Walt. I don’t know what I’m doing.” I fall back into the empty seat next to his bed, dropping the bag I brought with me onto the floor at my feet. My gaze stays focused on his, looking for the smallest sign he can hear me.
It surprises me how little has truly changed about Walt in the last two months. It just goes to show how bad he was looking before the heart attack. I remember thinking how sick he lookedback in January when I stepped into Murphy’s for the first time over a decade and a half. I’d been concerned then and that concern only grew from that point on. Ava, Gage, and I tried to convince him to take some time away from the bar, or at the very least hire some full-time staff to help carry the load, but he refused.
Gage and Ava assumed it was his inability to give up the smallest amount of control, but I knew it had more to do with Jude than anything else. Walt is a family man through and through—he lived for his family—and when Jude left to never return home, it broke something in Walt. Staying busy and keeping all of his focus on the bar made it easier to cope with Jude’s absence.
Walt never said that was why, but I know that’s exactly what I did after Jude left. I focused all of my time and energy into my mother—spending time with her, taking her to doctor’s appointments, keeping her company as her body started to deteriorate. If I didn’t have time to think about Jude, I couldn’t hurt because of Jude.
Of course, that coping mechanism only lasts for so long.
“All right.” I lean forward in my seat, placing my elbows on the edge of his bed. “I’m going to tell you this because maybe you can hear me and it’ll bring you back to us. And because I need to tell someone but I’m not ready to tell your son.”
I pause, waiting—hoping—just that little bit is enough to entice him back to this side of life, but nothing changes. His eyes don’t flutter open, his breathing doesn’t pick up, and the beeping of his monitor is as steady as ever.
“Walt,” I whisper, leaning closer. My gaze shifts to the finger of his left hand and I don’t try to stop myself from tracing the Dara Knot tattooed on his ring finger. I don’t remember exactly what it means, but I know it represents love in some way.
“I’m pregnant.” It’s the first time I’ve said those words andsomehow it makes it all more real.
There’s a baby growing inside of me. A human life that’s made up of me and Jude. A little person that will bring so much joy to everyone around us. And all of a sudden all that fear and anxious energy washes away.
Tears well in my eyes and I can’t stop the watery laugh from breaking free. None of this is happening the way I wanted it to, but when does life ever go according to plan?
“Walt, can you believe that?” I stop tracing his tattoo and grip his hand in mine, my eyes focusing on his face before I continue. “Jude and I are having a baby. You’re going to be a grandfather.” I choke on a sob. There’s both joy in the news I’m sharing and fear that Walt won’t come back to us to be a part of this new life, but I don’t let that stop me. “You have to wake up so you can meet this little person. They’re going to need a fun, loving grandparent to spoil them.”
And unlike all the movies and TV shows, there’s nothing dramatic about what happens next. The machines don’t start blaring. Doctors and nurses don’t come barreling through the door. It’s a simple squeeze of my hand and a fluttering of his eye before a small groan breaks through the beeping, and then the tears flow freely.
“Abbey.”Jude’s panicked voice reaches me before I realize he’s standing in front of me in the waiting room of the ICU. “What happened?”
“He’s awake,” I breathe out, the tears that started in Walt’s room thirty minutes ago still pouring down my cheeks.
“What?”
All I can do is smile and nod, emotion clogging my voice.
As soon as I realized what happened I was sprinting out of his door, calling for Sarah. In retrospect, I feel horrible for the panic I caused her, but I was too overcome with every emotion to form any words. She rushed into Walt’s room and came back out almost immediately, paging for Dr. Winters. She told me I needed to go to the waiting room and someone would be out to update me as soon as they could.
I wanted to fight her, to be with Walt, but I followed orders. Sarah was the one who came out five minutes later with my bag and told me Dr. Winters wanted to run a few tests before I could go back in. My phone call to Jude after that was a jumbled mess of incoherent words, but he understood the important ones.
“He’s awake?” Jude whispers, his eyes shifting to the door behind me, the door he knows Dr. Winters will come through.
“Yeah. He’s awake.”
I don’t even care when his arms band around me in an almost painful embrace. I know I’m holding onto him just as tightly. We may not have voiced the thoughts out loud, but I know we were both terrified this day would never happen.
I’m so glad we were wrong.
thirty-four
