Page 73 of Hidden Vows
“Why does that sound dirty?” I tease, trying to distract him from looking too close to what I’ve done today.
This man loves me and knows me better than anyone, even with so much time apart. The second he realizes how little I’veactually accomplished today is the moment I have to make a decision—tell him about the pregnancy or lie to him.
Is it really a lie if I’m going to tell him eventually?
Waiting to tell him is just postponing the inevitable. Why am I waiting?
But then I think about all those tabs open on my computer—all the unknowns of what having a baby means for us. Would having a baby change anything about our future? I mean, I know having a baby changes practically everything, but the fundamentals of what we both want—will the news of this baby change that?
My eyes track Jude as he prowls toward me, a playful smile tugging at his lips. I’m so freaking nervous about this news dropped in my lap this morning, but when Jude looks at me like that—with so much love and desire—I can’t help but focus on only that.
Even with all the pain and heartache in our past, having Jude back in my life brings me so much joy. I’m not ready to dampen that.
I’ll tell him about the baby. Just not right now.
thirty-three
ABBEY
“Hey,Dad. I know our last call didn’t go very well, but I need to talk to you about the bookstore.” I pinch the phone between my ear and shoulder while juggling my coffee and keys in one hand and pressing the button to the elevator with the other. “George called and said he hasn’t received the final payment yet. I sent you the itemized list like you requested last week. What’s going on?” I hang up without saying goodbye and glare at my phone.
I’m well aware he’s upset with me—I’m pretty upset with him myself—but that doesn’t excuse refusing to pay George. He can be mad at me all he wants, but this is business. I’ve never known my father to shirk his responsibilities.
The second the doors to the elevator slide open I step into the empty space and press the button for the third floor. My body instantly slumps against the back wall when the doors close. It’s been barely seventy-two hours since Emily told me about the pregnancy and I’m already exhausted from hiding the truth from Jude. It takes work trying to act like nothing’s wrong.
The truth is, I’m pretty confident Jude knows something is bothering me, but for some reason, he’s not pushing me on it. Part of me thinks he’s not pushing me because he’s still concerned Ihaven’t forgiven him about the past. Like maybe he’s afraid to push me because he thinks I’ll decide trying this again won’t be worth it. And if that’s the case, how in the world will we ever survive?
Or maybe he trusts that I’ll come to him when I’m ready. When we were younger I always ran to Jude when I needed comfort, but I didn’t always tell him what happened right away. I’ve always been a person who needs to work through things on my own before I can get other people’s opinions. But that never stopped Jude from asking what was bothering me—even if he knew I might not answer him right away.
Of course, if I stopped trying to do Jude’s thinking for him…
The elevator doors slide open on the third floor, revealing an empty hallway, the sign across the way reminding me to turn left for the ICU. I’ve been here so many times I don’t need the reminder. I could probably make it to Walt’s room with my eyes closed.
When I woke up this morning, aside from the growing guilt for not telling Jude the news about the baby, I felt this pressing need to be with Walt. I needed the comfort only a father’s embrace could provide. I knew I wouldn’t get that warm hug I was desperate for, but I knew being in his presence would bring me peace.
I press the button to be let into the ICU and wave when the nurse inside the glass door catches my eye and smiles.
“Oh! I’m glad you stopped by once more before they move him. I made you a little something.” Sarah springs up from her seat and rummages through a bag beside her. “I know how much you like to read and I saw these book sleeves online and I couldn’t get the idea out of my head to make you one.”
“Sarah, you didn’t have todo that.” I gasp.
Walt always has the same nurses rotating through his room and watching over him. You get to know the nurses just as they get to know you, and somehow it feels like you’ve grown a new little family in these walls. It’s both strange and wholly appreciated. There’s this comfort in knowing someone who cares for your loved one is keeping them safe.
“Oh, I know, but I can’t keep making quilts. I’m running out of people to give them to and I don’t have any more room for them in my house.” She laughs. “Ah-ha! Got it.” She pulls a beautiful pastel purple and yellow fabric from her bag and presents it to me with a flourish.
“The idea is that you slip your book into this little pouch to keep it safe inside your purse. You can put any book that fits, but for the most part it keeps your corners safe. Or, if you have an e-reader without a case, it keeps your screen from getting scratched.” Sarah’s enthusiasm is contagious, and I can’t help the smile from breaking free as I take the gift from her.
I don’t own any book sleeves myself, but I know what they are. Holding this in my hand, I can’t stop an idea from forming. “Was this hard to make?” I ask, fingering the squishy pocket.
“Oh, not at all. It was actually quite easy. I had to stop myself from making more.” She laughs again.
“I know you have a full-time job you love, but if you like making these and want to make a little extra cash, I’d love to sell these at the store.” I meet Sarah’s eyes, a broad smile tipping at my lips.
“Are you serious?” The disbelief in her tone makes me laugh.
“Of course, I’m serious. I’m mad I didn’t think about stocking something like this, and to have them hand made by someone local? That’s the cherry on top of a perfect sundae.”
“Oh, I’d love to do that. I love sewing and quilting, but I’m notlying about running out of people to give things to.”
