Page 7 of Hidden Vows
Without waiting for his response, I hang up and do exactly what I told him I would. I’ve checked out of the inn and am on my bike within ten minutes of hanging up.
I wish I could say my thoughts are entirely focused on my father, but that would be a lie.
My thoughts easily drift to Abbey and the high possibility that I’ll see her again.
—
June 21st, 2009
Do you remember the day we met? It was a long time ago—fourteen years, almost to the day. I remember it like it was yesterday.
It’s interesting to see what moments stick in your mind as clearly as the moment they happened. I mean, I was six years old. Why does that moment stand out so clearly for me?
You and your mom were the only ones at the park when Dad and I got there, and you were having so much fun running and playing by yourself. It amazed me, even then, how bright your spirit was. Or maybe it didn’t, and I’m just older and can recognize you for how amazing you really were. How amazing I hope you still are.
The second you saw me, you came running, the brightest smile on your face. You bravely told me you weren’t allowed to talk to strangers but thought your mom would understand that sometimes you have to talk to strangers to become friends. You said you thought she meant it applied more to adults than other kids.
All the same, you introduced yourself and told me we’d bethe best of friends. I should’ve learned to trust you’d always be right—because you were right.
You were my best friend, Abbey. You’ve always been my best friend, and I wish more than anything that I could take it all back.
I’m sure there’s a greater lesson here somewhere—about everything happening for a reason and never regretting something because then you wouldn’t be the person you are today. And maybe they’re right. But I wonder every day if I’d be a better person if I’d just stayed.
I hate that I don’t know who you are anymore. I know it’s only been a year since I left, but there’s no doubt you’ve changed. If only simply because time always changes people.
But how else have you changed? Are you still the brightest person in the room? Do you still find enjoyment in the smallest things? Can you still find the tiniest light in the darkest of times?
Or did I ruin all of that?
Fourteen years after meeting you, and you’re still the person I want to talk to most. You’re still the person I think about most. You’re still the love of my life.
three
JUDE
I don’t knowwhat I was expecting when I arrived at the hospital, but it’s not Gage dressed in a suit with a petite woman, in what can only be described as a bridesmaid dress, tucked into his side.
Even disheveled, they make a beautiful couple.
A little pinch in my chest at that thought makes me miss a step. I’ve spent a lot of my life regretting the decisions I made seventeen years ago, but over the last year I’ve been thinking more about how I’ve grown over that period.
Is it possible I would’ve grown in the same way if I stayed in Ashford Falls? Yeah, it’s definitely possible. But there’s no way to know for sure, and for that reason alone, I can’t live in the past anymore.
It’s a new mindset, but it brings me a little peace—probably a peace I don’t deserve.
It’s the woman who notices me first. I see the way she straightens and elbows Gage lightly in the side. I’m pretty confident it’s unease I see filling her eyes.
“Jude, it’s good to see you,” Gage says, releasing the womanat his side and pulling me into a hug. “I wish it were under better circumstances, but it’s still good.”
It takes me a second to return the hug, and I know it’s awkward. I honestly can’t remember the last time I was hugged. Probably the last time I saw my dad, which I hate to realize was almost six years ago. I should’ve made more of an effort to see him.
Gage doesn’t even acknowledge the uncomfortable air. He simply steps back from the hug, pulling the woman back into his side. “This is Ava Day, my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she’s from Harborview.”
“Gage, I don’t think now is the time to point out the small world we live in.” The uneasiness I saw is completely gone when she looks at me. Now all I see is sympathy. “It’s nice to meet you, Jude. Your dad always speaks so highly of you.” She reaches a hand out into the space between us. This time, I don’t hesitate and return the handshake immediately.
“Ava Day, the lawyer?”
“Oh, um, yeah.”
