Page 45 of Hidden Vows
JUDE
The knockat my door surprises me. Not many people know I’m staying here instead of my dad’s place, and considering three of the people I’ve spent the most time with since I got home left the bar thirty minutes ago, I think it’s safe to assume it’s not them.
Looking around the sparse apartment, I can’t help but regret that I haven’t taken the time to furnish the space. To anyone looking at this situation, it appears that I have no plans to stay, and that’s the furthest thing from the truth. My only plan is to be wherever Abbey is, and after this past week, I’m starting to think that might actually be a possibility—regardless of what Edward wants.
It didn’t surprise me when he showed up at the bar yet again this morning, but fortunately for me, he wasn’t there long. His plans were thwarted when he barged in and found Jane and me interviewing someone for the open bartender position. He seemed poised to fight, but quickly decided against it and left.
He didn’t need to say the words; I knew what they were—stay the hell away from my daughter.
I stand from my seat at the kitchen island and move to the door, peeking out the peephole briefly before opening it. I’m happy it’sAbbey standing on the other side, but I can’t stop the worry from washing over me.
It’s late—almost two in the morning—and if I heard correctly from the guys when they were at the bar, it was ladies’ night at Caleb’s this evening.
“Hey,” I whisper as my eyes land on her. Her gaze is firmly on the floor, and the pinch of her brows grows my unease. “Is everything okay?” I ask softly when she doesn’t move.
She lifts her eyes to mine, but it takes her a minute to speak. “I don’t know.”
My shoulders fall at her words. I don’t know if it’s relief—that she might finally let me tell her about the past—or dejection—that she might be done letting me into her world.
I step back, opening the door a little wider and ask, “Do you want to come in?”
She hesitates, but only for a moment before she’s nodding her head and taking a small step over the threshold. Her eyes immediately move around the space, and I wonder if she’s taking in the emptiness of it as it is now, or imagining it with all the warmth and comfort she infused into the space when we lived here together.
Has she set foot in this apartment since she walked out of it seventeen years ago?
Gently, I close the door before stuffing my hands in my pockets. I want so desperately to touch her, to hold her, to offer her comfort for whatever is troubling her, but I don’t know if that’s something she’d accept right now, and I don’t want to stop whatever this conversation will be.
It takes her a few minutes, but when she’s done looking at the space around us she turns to me, and I hate that I can’t read what she’s thinking.
“Didn’t you have a ladies’ night over at Caleb and Emily’s?” I ask when she doesn’t say anything. I know the answer, but I can’t think of anything else, and this conversation has to start somewhere.
“Yeah. I just got home.” Her eyes don’t move from mine, but something in her shifts. It’s like I can almost see the shield going up around her, like she’s preparing to take some kind of hit, but when she doesn’t say anything, I think I might be wrong.
“Abbey,” I whisper, afraid she might run if I speak too loudly. “What’s wrong?”
“I told them what happened,” she blurts before her eyes fall to the floor, her fingers toying with the strap of her bag slung across her shoulder. “Back then—why we split.” The words are simple and yet they still hit some imaginary wound across my soul.
It’s a wound of my own making.
I’m the one who messed up.
I’m the one who broke us.
But it still hurts more than anything else in my life.
“Abbey—”
“No,” she interrupts. It takes her a moment to continue, but when she does, her eyes meet mine straight on. “I know it’s not smart, and I know it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t want to talk about it.” She draws her shoulders back as she drops her purse to the floor, her posture straightening as she readies herself to say the next words. “I’m pretty sure you lied to me back then, and while I should demand to know the truth, I know you wouldn’t have lied to me if you didn’t have a really good reason.” Her voice wavers, but she takes a step forward, closing the space between us. “If I’m being honest, I’m afraid to know the truth. I’m afraid of knowing the reason you lied to me.”
“Abs.” My voice breaks and I have to fight with everything Ihave not to reach for her. There are more words I need to say, but in the moment I can’t find them.
“No. I know it’s stupid and goes against everything you are, but I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve lost so much already, and I’m not ready to lose more.” Another step and another foot of space gone.
I could so easily wrap my arms around her and finally feel her body pressed against mine, but I hold back. I won’t take this moment from her—whatever it is.
“What do you want?” I whisper.
“For you to love me again.” Her words are just as soft as mine, but I hear them as if she shouted them in my head.
