Page 29 of Hidden Vows
“No, I don’t.” I peek at him over my shoulder, but he’s focused on the task in front of him. “I wrote up a business plan and presented it to him earlier this week. The day you stopped by, actually.”
Jude sidles up behind the bar, slowly making his way closer to me as he wipes it down. “Did you ask him for a loan?”
“I thought about it, but since he runs an investment firm, I stuck with what he does.” I lift my glass and drain the last bit of water as Jude stops in front of me. “He’s agreed to a probationary period as a silent partner with a small portion of the profits. The plan is to reevaluate within three months of our grand opening.”
He studies me for a second before his eyes fall to the rag in his hands. “You’re happy with the arrangement?” he asks quietly as if he’s afraid to voice the question.
“Yeah.” I smile. “I’m really happy about it.”
Jude’s head bobs up and down absentmindedly. “Good,” he murmurs so softly I wonder if he even meant for the word to passhis lips. “I’m glad you’re getting what you want.” His eyes meet mine, and I see the sincerity staring back at me, but something else is mixed in—something I can’t label before he’s turning away from me.
It’s not fair, the words that come out of my mouth next, but it’s honest. “It’s probably time I start going after the things I want instead of holding myself back for fear of being hurt.”
He freezes, his entire body going taut for a second before he slowly turns back to me. He doesn’t say anything, simply continues staring, his eyes moving over every inch of me as if memorizing the moment.
“I’m sorry, that?—”
“No. Don’t apologize,” he interrupts. “I don’t want you to hold anything back from me, no matter how much it might hurt to hear.” He shuffles his feet, moving both toward me and away from me all at once. “Abbey.” His spine straightens as he seems to make a decision and moves around the bar, coming to take the seat beside me. “I know you’ve been drinking, and it’s not the right time, but I want to talk about what happened. I?—”
“No.”
I can’t talk about it—not yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to talk about that night with him, but I know I can’t do it right now. Not when I’m just starting to put myself back out there. Not when I’m just starting to chase my dreams again.
“Abbey…” It’s the sound of my name on a broken whisper that has me turning.
“I don’t know what the future holds, but I don’t want to live in the past. Not anymore.”
“What does that mean?” He visibly swallows, his eyes bouncing between mine.
“You’re right. I don’t want to live like the past never happened,but I don’t want to talk about it. So, when it comes to the two of us…” My words trail off. I don’t know how to say the next part, not when I see the hurt etched across his face already.
“Abs.” If it were anyone else, I’d call the sound that comes out of his mouth a choked sob. But it’s not anyone else, and Jude has never been a person to be run by his emotions.
“I don’t know what that means for us, but I don’t think we can ever be more than acquaintances.” I mess with the frayed edges of my shorts, trying my hardest not to break eye contact with the man across from me.
I’m not sure if I mean the words coming out of my mouth, but I don’t think my heart can afford to be more than acquaintances with Jude.
Looking at him now, seeing the man he’s become, I want to know more about how he got here. And part of me hates that I’m still desperate to know more—after everything he did—but he was my everything for the longest time, and even with the pain of all that happened, he’s still important to me. I’m just not sure if I’m strong enough to handle another heartbreak at the hands of Jude, no matter how unintentional it might be.
It’s Jude who breaks eye contact, his head turning away from me. A few moments pass, the two of us standing motionless, and I can’t help but let my eyes track over his tattooed arms. I’ve seen flashes of them for weeks now, but I haven’t been able to study them long enough to figure out what they are.
There’s both a randomness and cohesiveness to them. It’s almost like he got tattoos as the mood struck, but went back at some point to blend them all, creating such intricate pictures. He’s still too far away for me to identify all of them, but one peeks out from the bottom of his sleeve that has me gasping.
My eyes shoot to his when he turns back to look at me.Whatever emotion he was fighting is gone, and a mask of clear indifference is in its place.
“I understand where you’re coming from, and I’m going to respect it. At least for now.” He stalks forward, coming within inches of me. “But I think you should know I plan on fighting with everything I am to get you to forgive me.”
“Jude—”
“No, Abbey.” He steps closer, still not touching me. “I made the biggest mistake of my life that night, and I won’t make it again.” His eyes move over my face, and it feels like he might as well be touching me with the way the shiver runs up my spine. “I know you’re not ready to hear everything I want to say, but I’m not going anywhere—not this time.”
“Jude,” I release on a breath. I want to say more, but I can’t even form the words in my brain, let alone out loud.
“Do you want me to walk you up to your apartment, or are you okay on your own?” He’s close enough that his breath ghosts over my cheek as he says the words, and I can’t stop my eyes from falling shut. It’s like a gentle caress—one I haven’t felt in almost two decades. “Abbey?” he whispers when I don’t respond.
My eyes spring open, and I step back, trying to put space between us—physically and emotionally. “I-I’m fine. I can make it on my own.”
“Okay. I’ll see you soon.”
