Page 78 of The Gingerbread Bakery
‘What was the best place you lived?’ she asked, her finger still looped through his necklace. He willed her to tug him closer.
‘I liked anytime I was on the coast. Santa Barbara was cool. I really liked Chicago, too.’
She wanted to ask him more, he could tell, but she hesitated. The only sound in the room was her light breathing and the slow slide of his cross along the chain.
‘Go ahead,’ he said. ‘I know you want to ask.’ He’d been waiting years for her to ask. He’d been waiting years to explain.
Annie’s lips tipped into a frown, and it took all his strength not to lean forward and kiss it off.
‘Okay, fine,’ she said, like she’d made a decision, like she was ready to meet the challenge he laid out for her. ‘Why didn’t you come back? Why did you leave me sitting in the diner waiting for you like an idiot.’
He knew the question was coming, and yet somehow he hadn’t been prepared for how much it would hurt to hear it out loud. He wasn’t prepared for all the hurt she’d say it with.
‘I did come back,’ he said, and Annie scoffed.
‘Oh, you must have been invisible that day.’ She dropped the chain.
Mac sighed. ‘I did come back, and I saw you sitting in that booth and I couldn’t do it.’
Annie rolled away from him, but he saw the tears in her eyes before she did. Damn it. He was screwing this up. He had to make her understand.
‘I saw you sitting there, and I had been gone for an entire year, Annie, and I still knew nothing. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted to do. I was twenty years old, and I was still lost, and I saw you sitting there and what could I possibly have had to offer you?’
He remembered it like no time had passed at all. The feeling of looking through the diner window and seeing Annie sitting there, so poised and perfect. He’d thought about her the whole time he’d been gone but seeing her again in real life had made him doubt everything. It made him doubt his memories. It made him doubt himself.
He’d been miserable that first year he’d been away, but he’d done it to prove something to himself, to his family. That he could be on his own, that he could figure out his own life, and he hadn’t figured out shit. He came home feeling like a failure. How was he supposed to walk up to Annie feeling like that? What was he supposed to say? I’m back but I’m still the same loser that left here a year ago.
He couldn’t do it.
Annie sat up abruptly, taking half the blankets with her, leaving Mac in the cold. ‘You didn’t have to offer meanything. You only had to show up!’
Mac sat up to face her on the bed. ‘I was scared,’ he said, desperate for her to understand. He knew he didn’t have to offer Annie anything concrete, but he at least needed to offer her some version of himself that he was proud of. ‘I was scared that I wouldn’t be what you remembered or what you wanted me to be.’
Annie shook her head. ‘I sat there waiting for you all day. I felt like a complete fool, like some stupid lovesick girl who waits an entire year for a boy. I never wanted to be that girl and I haven’t been her since.’
She got up, taking the blanket with her, looking around his room for her clothes. ‘This is why I can't do this with you, Mac. We can't do this again. You made me feel that way once and I won't let you do it again.’
‘And what about you?’ he said, getting up and following her around the bed even as the voice in his head was screaming at him toretreat. This was not how this was supposed to go. He was taking his one chance to fix things with Annie and ruining it. But he couldn’t stop. If they had any chance of having a fresh start, they needed everything out in the open. ‘I’m not the only one to blame in all of this.’
‘Excuse me?’ Annie said, her eyes going wide. ‘What are you talking about?’
He’d had no intention of ever bringing this up, but now years-old hurt bubbled to the surface. ‘I chickened out the day we were supposed to meet, but I came to Brandon White’s party on New Year’s Eve.’
Annie froze, the blanket wrapped around her shoulder. ‘What are you talking about?’ she whispered.
Mac stalked closer until they were toe to toe. ‘I came to that New Year’s Eve party looking for you. I had spent the week trying to figure it out and I realized that it didn't matter what I was doing with my life. I knew you would want to see me anyway. I knew we had something special.’
That’s what he’d convinced himself of, anyway. That he could trust Annie to want him even if he was still incomplete. He’d gone to that party ready to apologize for standing her up but also so fucking hopeful that she’d forgive him. That they could finally pick up where they’d left off.
Annie swallowed hard. ‘I didn’t see you at that party.’
‘You didn't see me because you were too busy.’ He stepped closer until Annie had to tip her face up to his. ‘Do you remember what you were busy doing that night, Annabelle?’ he asked, his voice a low rumble, every feeling he’d had when he’d seen her that night barreling back into him.
Annie faced him head on like she always had. ‘Yes, I do. I spent that nightforgetting you.’
ChapterTwenty-Nine
Then
