Page 103 of The Christmas Tree Farm
He stared at her, disbelieving. He should kick her out. Or take her to bed. He wasn’t sure which.
‘Do you want a drink?’ he asked, and her smile grew.
‘Sure.’
His entire apartment was essentially one room, so he could still feel Nicole’s eyes on him as he grabbed two beers from the refrigerator. He popped it open and handed it to her.
They drank in silence, Nicole watching him from her perch on the edge of his dining room table.
‘Why did you move out here?’ she asked, and he wanted to lie. But maybe the start of a new year was the perfect time to exorcize all this baggage from his past.
‘You asked me to.’
She nodded, and took another sip. ‘That was the only reason?’
‘Yes. It was stupid. I’m aware of that now.’ It was still so embarrassing to admit, even now all these years later. At the time, he’d claimed he had a job out here, too. That he’d always wanted to move to the West Coast. But he’d really just wanted to follow the pretty girl that he’d fallen in love with. If he was honest with himself, he’d known even at the time that she didn’t feel the same. But she’dasked. She’d said she needed him, that she didn’t want to be alone. And he’d fallen for it completely.
‘I was glad you came with me.’
He huffed. ‘You had a funny way of showing it. Ditching me after a few months didn’t feel like you were glad.’
‘We were so young! I didn’t know what I wanted.’
‘Clearly.’
‘I’m sorry if I hurt you, Bennett, but I just had to get out of that town. I was scared and you were there for me.’
He shrugged like it didn’t matter, like this one experience hadn’t shaped the way he’d thought about relationships ever since.
‘And in my defense,’ she said, twirling a piece of hair around her finger. ‘You said you had other reasons for coming out here. You’d always wanted to live on the West Coast, remember?’
‘I lied!’ He laughed, the sound harsh and rough. ‘I wanted to be with you.’
Nicole blinked like she hadn’t considered that she was his entire reason for relocating his life.
‘But you’re right,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘We were young. But we’re less young now and yet here you are.’
She pushed off the table and stalked closer, her hips swaying with every step. ‘And you let me in.’
And he’d let her in.
Christ.
He always let her in. How much could he blame her when he’d never once told her how he felt? He’d never turned her away or said he didn’t want to see her anymore. Every time she’d shown up on his doorstep or sent a late-night text, he’d been right there when she needed him. How could she possibly know he was unhappy with the arrangement?
He had never once tried to end this thing between them.
She stood in front of him now close enough that he could smell the perfume she always wore, the floral scent wrapping around him. It was tempting in its familiarity.
‘I’m glad you’re back,’ she said, her eyes flicking up to his. She pressed a hand to his chest, the warmth seeping through to his skin. ‘We always ring in the New Year together.’
‘Why is that, Nic?’ he asked and he really wanted to know. Why? Why did she keep coming back, even though she clearly didn’t want to keep him around long term?
‘Tradition?’ She leaned closer, wrapping her arms around his neck, her body pressed against his. ‘And I can always count on you, Ben,’ she purred. ‘You’re always here for me.’
Ah, yes. Bennett, the human security blanket.
‘Yeah, I don’t think I can do that anymore.’
