Page 110 of Any Second Now
It felt wrong to be out with Jacob last night.
His words keep spinning around my brain.
I am still in love with you.
I can wait as long as you need me to.
I’m building a life for us back home.
We can start over.
But the more time I spent with him, the more confident I became. Especially when Atticus texted me. My brain lit up in a way that it doesn’t with Jacob.
At the end of the night, I was profoundly clear with him: No more money. No more showing up. No more texts, phone calls, emails.
It’s over.
I’m emotionally rung out this morning.
My phone rings again with an incoming video call from Lucy. She’s heading back here from England soon—in my chaos I can’t remember the exact date. But I’m not ready to face her yet, so I press ignore on the call.
Because while I finally understand my feelings about Jacob and how I haven’t been clear enough with him about my boundaries, all of this affects my relationship with Atticus.
I’m in no place to be getting so emotionally involved with Lucy’s brother.
I’ve been so concerned withmyself. So obsessed with living some kind of imaginary exciting life where I travel across the country in an RV and do things like kiss hot hockey players who I’ve had a secret crush on since college.
But I’m going to hurt him. I’m going togethurt by him. Atticus is confused too. This isn’t him. Pretending to be in arelationship? Being the doting boyfriend to a pharmacist from Connecticut?
Nah, that’s not who he is.
My phone vibrates with another incoming call, like it’s emphasizing that thought.
“Mom.” If I didn’t answer, she’d keep calling. So will Lucy and January, actually.
“How’d last night go with Jacob?” Mom is quick and to the point. I know she wants me to end this lingering relationship with Jacob once and for all, even though she feels bad for him as well.
“It was painful.” I don’t want to rehash the whole night, and I don’t think she’ll push me on it. “I told him it’s over. For real.”
“Good for you. I’m sorry he figured out where you were from me, but maybe it’s for the best that you got to talk to him in person before you return to Connecticut.”
“Sure, but I didn’t need the jump scare at my door.” I stand and deposit the egg in my small refrigerator.
Mom ignores the comment and clears her throat. “Well, I sent a new spreadsheet just now. It’s been years since we started a fresh one.”
“Mom, really? I’m thirty-four years old.”
“I know. But I put a few different scenarios in there that will at least get you thinking about your future.”
I sigh and pace the RV. I’m sure she put a path that would have me running the entire region’s pharmacy departments. But at this point, I don’t even want to think about the day I have to go back to work.
Two weeks from tomorrow.
“Did I tell you I’ve been hanging out with Atticus? Lucy’s brother.”
There’s silence on the other end of the phone.
“Mom?”
