Page 24 of One Hundred Lights
“Anything I can help with? Need to decorate any school gyms, or hunt down another hundred boxes of lights?” I attempt a charming grin to melt whatever’s frozen over in her since she woke up.
Nah. She’s not frozen.
She’s upset, or stressed, or something else negative.
It almost works, and a smile crosses her face. “Not today.”
I wait for her to say more, but she stands silently in the doorway. My eyes roam over her again. She’s perfect. My arms ache to pull her into them. I want to feel her skin against mine again. I want her to order me around and do dirty things to me.
“Everything okay? You’re not regretting last night, are you?” It was the best night of my life. Dancing with her in the school gym, feeling like a teenager with an infatuation, then getting her home and doing what we did. My face grows warm thinking about it.
What is going through her mind?
“Of course not.” She bites her bottom lip, and I want to kiss her worries away. I want to make whatever’s wrong all better. I want to hear her giggle again, see her bright smile light up her face. She’s covering something up. What did I do? What happened?
My gut twists. I just got her, finally let myself have her after all this time. It’s not enough.
“Come here, please.” I hold my hand out to her, praying she’ll grasp it.
She appears to consider my request, emotions I don’t understand flipping over her face like a slideshow, then moves toward me. When she gets to me, I let out a silent breath. I remove the coffee mug from her hand and slide it onto the nightstand, then pull her onto my lap. I’m hard, but I don’t want to fuck her right now.
I want to love her.
Wait, what?
Oh, shit.
She relents to my touch and drapes her arm around my shoulders. I nuzzle into her neck and kiss her in the soft spot above her collarbone. Britt breathes out and melts against me, like sweet butter on a warm biscuit.
Do I love her? Have I let myself fall for this woman? Some combination of panic and joy surges through me as my lips skim her neck and she lets out another little sigh. How can it be possible?
I lean back and look into her eyes. But itispossible. The truth overwhelms me and my heart grows to fill my chest.
I love Britt. I’minlove with her.
Yeah. That’s exactly right.
But I don’t know how to make her pain go away. Not by telling her what I’m thinking. Not now. She doesn’t want to hear it. Her eyes are already clouding over with concern.
Does she feel it too? What’s between us?
I want to protect her. I want to make her feel safe and warm and loved. She’s passionate and open and good, honest and determined to do the right thing. My parents hated each other, then they loved each other, then they loved other people. The fighting, the making up, the cheating. It had all been so traumatic. I never wanted to be like them.
But this? This, I want. Britt.
One night with her would never be enough.
“What are you looking at me like that for?” Britt’s brow creases, but for now, she’s still molded to me.
Maybe it’s too much for her. Too much, too late. People think they want some intense love affair. They read romance novels and stream love stories and movies, but in reality, what they want is a boring life. The other option is just too much for most.
I should know.
“Nothing.” I memorize the tilt of her head, the dark eyelashes above blue eyes. I have a dark feeling in my gut. A feeling I might not be this close to her ever again.
Did I mess up last night? This whole week? Did I screw up my chance with Britt?
She leans in to kiss me, and I’m terrified it’ll be our last.
