Page 77 of Since We're Here
She looks over with a clean dish in her hand and raises her eyebrows.
“What’s one really unique thing you’ve done in Ireland? For Maddie’s road trip.”
“Hmm.” She tilts her head to one side and absentmindedly slides the dish onto a stack in the upper cabinet next to the sink. “Ah. Here’s a dark one for you. There’s a cave in Kilkenny. It’ssaid that one thousand people died there in a Viking massacre. It’s haunted.”
“Christ, Mam. You and Saoirse with the creepy ideas.”
“Like mother, like daughter. It’s at least unique, no?”
I leave the kitchen with a chuckle and settle next to my snoozing father.
I could try to fix things with Maddie, short time left or not. Maybe this isn’t forever, but like Mam said, I could put in the effort and commit to the time we have left. I could invite her over. Apologize. Tell her I’m broken, that none of the pub drama is her fault, except for the fact that she is completely distracting me, and I don’t want that to change one bit.
I could ask her to be with me for a little while longer.
Dad makes a little snorting sound and flutters his eyes open for a second, smiling at me, then closes them again.
I unlock my mobile and stare at the quiet text chain with Maddie, then type.
Me
I’m sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. None of that was your fault, and I was an arse. Forgive me?
The text changes fromdeliveredtoread, and I wait for her response. But there’s no dancing dots.
Me
I’ve got the girls tonight
I pause. This would be the time to invite her over. My thumb lingers over the keypad.
But with a heavy sigh, I realize I’m not going to do that. I can’t bring myself to. I need to protect at least a small part of myself.
Me
Can we meet up tomorrow? Breakfast? Lunch?
That’s three texts in a row, the second two not even showing as read. If she doesn’t respond tonight, I can show up at the pub tomorrow afternoon when she’s on the schedule.
I hate the feelings inside me, crashing around like rough waves in the Irish sea. I don’t do this. I’ve learned my lesson. And feelings like this don’t last.
In the end, Cara wanted something more. I wasn’t enough.
Not for her, or Noreen, or anyone.
Is Maddie different?
I push my mobile away and reach over to squeeze my father’s hand before heading back into the kitchen, where Mam is making tea.
“Bye.” I kiss my mother on the cheek. “Need to run to meet the girls.”
“I love you, dear. Let me know if you need anything tonight.”
I head home, my mind whirling.
Whywould Maddie be different? I’ve let down my defenses with her more than I have with anyone else. It’s because she’s not a complete stranger. She’s connected to my life by three degrees of separation. And now, she’s a friend—someone I didn’t know I needed in my life.
But we’re also sleeping together. I’ve never done friends with benefits before. I know why—it’s a train wreck of emotions.
