Page 40 of Since We're Here
Again, he looks over to us. My chest squeezes.
“I heard you went on a bike ride?” Saoirse asks, more a statement than a question.
Shit, she’s still watching me, which means she’s observing me drooling over her brother. I force myself to look away from him.
“Yeah, I think he was worried I’d ride on the wrong side of the road or fall off a cliff.”
“Hmm.” Her eyes flit over my face.
“Hmm what?”
“Many women would be happy to throw themselves off a cliff if it’d get his attention. But he never gives it to them. At least not for more than one night.”
I get it. He’s not a relationship guy. He doesn’t date. It doesn’t matter to me, because that god on the soccer field over there? He’s not mine. He’ll never be mine. I can’t even hold the attention of some drifter who renamed himself Blue, or nine other dudes, so I definitely can’t snag Patrick McNulty.
“He’s a really good man.” Saoirse’s voice is soft. “My brother’s been hurt. He doesn’t think he’s capable of being in a relationship.”
Who would cheat onhim?
“I’m sure he’ll find someone eventually.” It won’t be me. It can’t be me. I’m not even supposed to be here.
“It doesn’t help that my marriage fell apart, too, so he looks at it as another example that true love is unattainable. Except for our parents, of course.”
“He said that?”
She laughs. “No. He didn’t say that. But I know that’s what he feels.”
My heart grows two sizes in my chest. And it’s my heart I have to be careful with here. It would be way too easy to let myself fall for Patrick, the same way I’ve done so many times before. I swallow hard as I think of jobs number eight and nine. The most painful ones.
I need to make sure I don’t let that happen here.
Because apparently, I’m not a great judge of character. Or a person who makes good life decisions. I need someone to ground me, to keep me from losing sight of my goal.
I blink and keep my eyes trained on Patrick as he dives for the ball, easily capturing it in his gloved hands, mud and water spraying up as he slides. He reminds me of a wild lion in theAfrican savanna, and we’re just a bunch of tourists in a Jeep, gaping.
This time—here in Dingle—it will be different. I know what’s going on. I understand who I am now. The mistakes I’ve made. I’ve learned so many lessons.
I know I’m going to quit O’Brien’s, sooner rather than later. I know I’m going to leave Dingle, Patrick, all these people I’ve just met. This time, I’ll get it right. I thought I was doing it right in Saint Lucia with Aunt Evelyn’s voice in my head, telling me to create a better life for myself. But Blue distracted me.
This time, I won’t forget what I’m here for.
For now, I might as well enjoy myself. My shoulders relax and I let out a deep breath.
Glad I got that all figured out.
Saoirse and the girls leave before halftime, her asking if I’ll stay for drinks with her and Ian after my afternoon shift ends tonight. I agree.
I should leave the chilly, wet game as well, but I don’t. And at the end, I’m the only person standing off to the side, under a tree fifty feet back from the field.
“Shit,” I whisper as the teams start filing off the field. I should’ve escaped when I had the chance, instead of being the only spectator left. I slip behind the thick tree trunk, pressing my back against the bark and praying no one sees me.
I’ll just hide till everyone’s gone. That’s reasonable, isn’t it?
Players walk past and I try to look casual and stare at my phone. I don’t see Patrick, but maybe he went another way. I’m about to dash off toward my flat when he rounds the tree.
“Madison Elizabeth Hart.” Patrick stops in front of me. “Are you hiding?”
My eyes widen and I swallow.
