Page 34 of Since We're Here
“Sounds better than fifty-five kilometers.”
“Sure does.”
The elevation climbs and falls, and the views of Dingle Bay and the Atlantic Ocean are truly spectacular. Mossy piles of rocks line the roadway, changing eventually to old stone walls and fencing, keeping livestock from wandering into the road. We ascend, the ocean sprawled out on our left. It’s been six months since I biked this way, probably since the end of last summer. The views do wonders for my stress levels.
We cycle in silence. I remain at a slower pace than usual to make sure Maddie’s keeping up. Finally, I spot the paved pull-off at the high point.
I turn in and stop my bike in the small lot, leaving my helmet hanging off the handle. Maddie pushes out the kickstand of her bike behind me and drops her helmet gently to the ground before stepping next to me.
One glance at her face tells me she’s as impressed as I still am each time I come here, even though I grew up a stone’s throw away.
“It’s breathtaking.” Her body full-on shivers, and she slips her hand around my forearm and pulls herself close to me. “But freezing.”
I don’t move my arm for fear she’ll remove her hand. Her eyes lock on the vast ocean in front of us, the waves crashing against the rocky shore far below.
“Should’ve worn more clothing.”
“Is that your personal motto?” I lift my free arm in the air and wave it in front of us, as if I’m presenting her to a group. “Madison Hart: should’ve worn more clothing.”
“Shut up and keep me warm.”
A lump forms in my throat as she lifts my arm and wraps it around her shoulders, burrowing into the smooth side of my windbreaker while drinking in the scenery.
ThisI didn’t sign up for.
She rotates us slowly, absorbing the whole view, taking in the white crucifix and statues behind us, the grassy, rocky cliff rising up against the clear sky, all the while staying snug against me, one arm wrapped around my waist. Her hair whips around her head and my own breath gets stuck in my throat as I can’t pull my eyes away from her, not the view.
What is she thinking right now? I’m so... confused. I finally follow her gaze out to the ocean.
“This is the westernmost point of mainland Ireland. It’s clear today, so you can see the Blasket Islands.”
Maddie looks up at me, her eyes wide and wild.
“I can’t believe you grew up here. I grew up inNew Jersey.” She laughs and shakes her head. “So unfair.”
Something warm glows inside me.
“I mean, Jersey does have actual sunshine, and warm beaches in the summer, and pretty mountains. I guess it’s not all bad. But it’s definitely not this.”
Whoever gets this woman will be lucky as hell. Who was she getting over when she asked me to kiss her? That person is an arsehole for losing her.
No.
I need to stop that train of thought right now. If I had Maddie—if she let me be with her—I’d ruin it. Maybe I haven’t scared her away yet, but I would. I’d say something she’d misunderstand. I’d not be the person she needs me to be. I’d break it. I’d break us. It’s what I do.
I’ll never be part of anusagain.
The only people who truly get me are my family. I can’t say anything to scare them away. They know me. They accept me.
Any warm feelings I have toward this woman are ill-fated, so it’d be best if I squashed them right now.
“What are you really doing here, Madison?” I say, but the wind is whooshing around us and I’m not sure she even hears me. She gasps softly, then turns her whole body to me, pressing her face against my chest, her hair whipping around.
“I told you. I’m planning a road trip.” Then she slips her arms inside my open jacket and wraps them around my waist. “So much warmer.”
She looks up at me with a pure, genuine smile, and I can’t help but notice that this feels right. Good. The most natural place in the world to be. When’s the last time I was locked in an embrace with a woman like this? Not any of the one-night stands I’ve had in recent years, that’s for sure.
I give in to the feeling and wrap my arms around her, covering as much of her body as possible.
