Page 112 of Since We're Here
“Saoirse.” I cut her off. I don’t need to hear Maddie’s name out loud. “No. I haven’t.”
After she left Dingle, I found out from my sister that Maddie had changed her flight to stay in Ireland until after the road trip.
Except I scared her away. Ruined it.
I’ve written texts and never sent them. I’ve almost called but couldn’t tap the button. I opened that original email chain and considered replying.
But there’s nothing I can say that would make things better. I know I’d just make it worse. Best leave it as it is.
“You’ll see her in a week. Why don’t you call and talk things out ahead of time?”
The idea of seeing her for the first time in Dublin nauseates me. Then again, having Oliver, Reese, Stella, and Ethan around will be a buffer.
We won’t have to be alone.
We won’t have to talk.
We won’t even have to look at each other.
“There’s nothing to talk about. I’ll be friendly. I promise.”
Saoirse’s face crumples with clear pity. I hate that she feels so bad for me. That she can sense the pain I’m in. That she probably knows I’m avoiding my family because it’s too painful to be around people who can feel my unhappiness as only those who truly love me can.
Everything might be coming together, but I’ve never felt worse.
30
MADDIE
Friday, April 11
My phone vibrates in my pocket as I walk along the Thames, past the super-touristy bit near Parliament and the London Eye, the art museum and Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre, almost to London Bridge. I’m getting my daily long walk in while I wait for Stella and Ethan to get off work and hang out with me.
I’ve been doing everything in my power to not think about Patrick, but I have too much damn time on my hands. There are only so many walks to take, museums to visit, coffees to drink, landmarks to view.
It’s Reese calling.
I stop abruptly and someone brushes past me, grumbling.
My eyes widen and I start to panic a bit, which is my normal reaction to Reese these days. I’ve managed to avoid the video calls she keeps requesting. Stella’s been pushing me really hard to come clean to our sister. I get why.
Because now Stella’s in on the lie.
There’s only one week until the road trip. Maybe I can hold off telling Reese everything until then.
The phone stills, then immediately rings again. I step out of the walkway to the edge of the path overlooking the river.
My heartbeat accelerates. Is something wrong? Why’d she call me twice in a row? She never calls without ensuring I’m available first.
Now my phone buzzes with a text.
Reese
Maddie—why are you in London? Did I miss a message chain about you heading there from Saint Lucia?
Reese
Stella? Is Maddie with you? I just tried calling you both and no one answered
