Page 86 of Since We're Here
“She can stay with me.” I’m not leaving Maddie alone in her flat. I can take care of her at the cottage. What if something happens and she doesn’t have anyone to yell to? Or what if she just needs a cup of coffee? I could do that. I can at least be that to her.
“Right. Good. She can go home soon. You can see her now. Room five.”
I nod and swallow the lump in my throat that won’t dissipate. The doctor leaves me and I head in the direction he pointed.
With each step I take toward room five, my heart pounds harder, louder, like a drumbeat. I clench and unclench my fists. Fear grows in me like a crescendo. Fear of what? She’s fine. The doctor said so. What am I so damn afraid of?
I rest my hand against the doorframe of Maddie’s room and can barely bring myself to knock on the open door.
Panic attack. I’m having a panic attack.
“Come in,” Maddie calls. I step into view. “Patrick. You’re here.”
And she smiles at me. It’s everything. She’s in the hospital bed, her arm wrapped up in a bandage, looking like she got beat up.
My heart practically explodes in my chest. Words are stuck in my throat, and I stop at the bottom of the bed. I’m afraid if I open my mouth to talk, I’ll cry, or scream, or melt down.
“Are you okay?” Her forehead creases. “Come sit with me?” She nods to the empty seat next to her.
There’s a buzzing in my ears as I get closer to her and slip into the chair.
I knew I’d break this relationship, like I always do. I knew I’d ruin it. But I didn’t think I’d be responsible for physically breaking Maddie.
She reaches for my hand. I take it and never want to let go.
“I’m sorry I never responded to your text message.” Her voice is far away, that buzzing sound getting louder, the inexplicable terror seeping into every part of my body.
“What happened?” I whisper.
She looks at me with great concern. “Patrick. Are you sure you’re okay? You’re so pale. And you’re sweating.”
I nod my head, but she doesn’t look convinced.
“It was so stupid.” She sighs. “I got distracted, and it was wet, and a fucking herd of sheep were standing in the middle of the road.”
A ghost of a smile crosses her face, but I can’t even catch a breath.
What if she had... I gasp for air and my vision fades.
“Hey.” She sits up and pulls my hand to her chest, splaying it against the bare skin above her breasts, just like I did that night I busted into the flat and scared her. “I’m okay. I’m okay, Patrick.”
Her heart pounds under my hand and the steady beating slowly reassures me that she’s alive. My vision begins to clear.
“Do you feel me?” Her voice is closer now. “I’m here.”
She’s okay. She’s here.
Nothing else matters.
Only Maddie.
“Patrick?”
I nod, still unable to speak.
Feck.
Oh no.
