Page 61 of Since We're Here
Maddie
Why not?
Me
Because it makes me feel like we shouldn’t have done what we did this morning
A pause, and the three dots disappear. Uh-oh. Are we not supposed to talk about it? Should I have pretended it didn’t happen? But there’s no way I could pretend such a thing.
Maddie
Regrets?
Me
No
Maddie
Are you sure?
She’s doubting herself. There’s not a bit of regret in me for what we did last night, but as usual, I’m saying the wrong thing.
Me
Positive. I promise
Maddie
Glad we got it out of our system
Right. Just one time. We’ll keep it professional from now on. No more getting drunk and showing up at the flat uninvited.
Maddie
Be here at six. Bring beer. And get ready to brainstorm ideas for the road trip. I need your brilliant Irish brain to help me
What about showing up at her flat, invited, not drunk, but with beer? Is that keeping it professional?
Probably not.
I should say no. No more screwups at work. No more distractions.
But last night felt different. Different from every one-night stand I’ve had. Different from the local woman I dated. Even different from Cara.
Maddie makes me feel good. Like I shouldn’t be ashamed about who I am. Not like I’m saying the wrong thing all the time. Not like she’s waiting for me to screw things up.
I’ve not let myself entertain the thought of being with a woman for real in years. But what if I let myself go with Maddie, just a little bit? It would be a test run. She’s leaving anyway, sothere’s no hope for a real future. It’ll be only a slight detour from my one-night stand philosophy.
Since she’s already here, I can try it out. Since we’re already friends, it’ll feel easy and natural.
But it feels dangerous for my heart.
I head into the brew room, double checking the temperature on the fermenter. It’s correct, not that I ever doubted Sean would do it right. He’s good at what he does.
I want to smile around Maddie. I want to listen to her tell me stories about her life and her family and...
The malt is ready for tomorrow, weighed and milled in preparation for brewing. I dig my hand into the container and let the pieces fall through my fingers. The grind is perfect, a combination of big chunks of husk and smaller ones.
