Page 127 of Since We're Here
No, probably not.
But I can’t wait any longer. I can’t risk time slipping away and not getting to tell Maddie how I feel. I can’t make the same mistake Oliver did and assume it’ll work out, like it did for him.
My best friend steps next to me, gripping Reese’s hand. Stella and Ethan disappear into the visitor’s center.
“We’ll meet you inside,” he says quietly. Oliver reaches out and briefly touches my forearm. “Good luck.”
Then they’re gone, and I’m alone with Maddie.
She’s gazing out at the fiery sunset, the colors orange and yellow and red. There are a few other small groups around, but the crowds are thinning, since it’s almost dark. We still have an hour drive to our hotel in Limerick, so I better do this so we can all move on with our lives.
I swallow and stride toward her, my feet feeling light as air. I don’t have many expectations for how she will react to this conversation. But she needs to understand how she makes me feel.
“Madison.”
Maddie turns to me and offers a surprised smile, her hair streaming out toward the sea with the chilly evening wind, her dress pressing against the back of her legs, also seeking the water with billowing fabric.
“Are we back to that again?” She crosses her arms on her chest, only a thin sweater on her shoulders.
“Maddie.”
“Better.” She looks around, seeming to just now notice that we’re alone. “They all go inside?”
“Yes.” I keep my eyes trained on her. “You must be freezing.”
Maddie tilts her head. “I think we’ve established I’m not great at dressing for Irish weather.”
“You got here in the literal winter and mostly brought short dresses.” I slip off my lined windbreaker, stepping closer to wrap it around her shoulders.
“Hey, I bought some appropriate clothing eventually.” She shrugs her arms in the sleeves without argument. “Thank you.”
Now’s the moment, and a wave of terror hits me in the chest, making it hard to breathe. What were the words I was going to say? I forget every single one.
Except I love you.
“Should we find the others so we can get on the road?”
“No.” I shake my head firmly. “I want to talk to you first.”
Maddie blinks at me. After a beat, she says, “Okay.”
“I have something to say.” I run my hand along my chin, letting the stubble prickle my palm. “When you got to town, I thought you were just another tourist.”
“I kinda was.”
“You were never just another tourist, Maddie.” I don’t know what to do with my hands, so I clasp them together. “And when I found out who you really were, it scared the shite out of me.”
She opens her mouth but doesn’t speak, so I keep talking.
“I’ve been avoiding women for years. Since Cara and I broke up and I moved back to Dingle. Since I tried dating Noreen and it was clear I would destroy every relationship I was in.”
“No, Patrick, it wasn’t?—”
“Wait. Please. Let me get through this.”
She nods.
“I swore there would be no more.” I separate my hands and clench my fists at my sides. “No more serious relationships. It was safer that way.”
