Page 65 of Unless It's You
The life drains out of me, oozing from my head and down my body, spilling onto the hardwood floors.
Ben
Anyway. I don’t want to waste time talking about Ethan when we meet up this weekend. I want to talk about us x
I throw my phone across the couch.Oh, Evelyn, why are you making me talk to Ben?I don’t want to deal with him, and it’s making me lie to Ethan. Until now, not being transparent about the Ben bucket list item has been more like a hidden truth. Not a deception. But telling him I’m seeing Gemma instead of what I’m really doing—meeting up with Ben? That was a full-on lie.
It’s like when I asked him not to tell Ben that we’d kissed. He was a part of that lie, but it just goes to show that I keep asking him to hide the truth.Dammit.
My shoulders clench and my jaw starts to ache. I’m not sure what part of that whole chain of texts is most disturbing. That Ben thinks Ethan is dating Helen, that Helen is Ben’s ex-girlfriend, which means theybothdated her, or, and it really might be this one, that Ethan loves her son. But I should calm down. Ethan can both not want children of his own and also enjoy spending time with them. I mean, I love my niece and would do absolutely anything for her.
But I know where I stand with having kids. Pushing me onthat was as much of a betrayal as if Ben had cheated. When Ben and I broke up, I promised I wouldn’t compromise myself again. I wouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t love me just as I am. Someone who wants to change me.
I don’t want to see Ben on Saturday. I want to figure out what’s happening between me and Ethan. I want to be in his arms again. Was it as fantastic as I remember? My breath catches in my throat, and I lift my hand to my mouth. I shut my eyes and can feel his beard rough against my chin, running down my neck, tickling my ribs as his mouth covers my breast.
I’ll tell him everything when it’s all over. It’ll be better then. By the end of this weekend, the only bucket list item left will be climbing the Old Man of Storr in the Isle of Skye, which I’ll do next week after the shoot.
With Ethan.
It’ll be after his mom’s flat is taken care of. Then we can celebrate together. We can laugh over the stupid list Evelyn wrote for me, and how it was the best thing ever because it brought us together. He helped me, I helped him, it all will have worked out.
I’m pretty sure what I want after all that is Ethan.
My phone lights up from across the coach and I dive for it.
“Fuck!” I whisper as I grab the phone. “Go away!”
But it’s not Ben.
Ethan
I’m coming into the office tomorrow morning for the final run-through meeting. Come over for dinner (and other activities) after work?
Anticipation washes over me, sending tingles up my spine. That’s exactly what I need. Maybe it’ll be a distraction from the lies and the omissions, the holes we’re already digging for each other in our relationship, or whatever it is that’s happening between us. When we’re together, when we touch... everything else falls away. Soon, it will all be done.
Me
I can’t wait to see you
I type out a quick text to Gemma. I need someone to document Saturday night, and there’s no way I’m asking Ethan, advisor or not.
Me
I need you Saturday night to, like, document me and Ben talking
Gemma
Are you serious?
Me
Yeah. For the bucket list
Gemma
I thought you had the advisor thing covered with Mr. Ethan Fraser?
She adds about a thousand winking smiley faces, an eggplant emoji, and a bottle of champagne. I totally shouldn’t have told her about what happened with him, but she has a way of getting things out of me, and she did exactly that during an epic text chain earlier this afternoon when I was at the airport.
