Page 6 of The Wish
Dean looks between the two women. All his anger, his impotence at failing to protect his family, spikes into rage. He glares at Mandy. ‘You’ve always been too ready to give up. You’ve got no fight in you, Mandy, you haven’t had for a long time.’
Mandy stares down her husband and says with a calm authority that shines through her tears, ‘I’ve fought this for two years, but . . . it’s over. We lost, Dean, we lost. I know you don’t want to believe it. But all we can do now is let Jesse tell us what she wants and do everything we can to give it to her. This round of treatment is only going to delay the inevitable.’
Kelly knows just how hard it is for Mandy to say the words out loud. She fights to hold back tears – if the parents can hold it together, she must manage also.
‘You just want it over with. Is that it? So, you can, what do you call it, move on?’
Devastated at the attack from the man she loves, the father of her children, rage flares up in Mandy. She stands, hovering over Dean.
‘How dare you,’ she says slowly.
‘Mandy, Dean, please,’ Kelly says, standing up from behind her desk. ‘I know this is hard for both of you but just think how much harder it is for Jesse. It will help her enormously if you can be there for her, support her, get through this together as a family.’
‘We haven’t been a family in a long time,’ Dean hisses, walking out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
The two women sit back down in shocked silence. Kelly has seen this sort of behaviour before, usually in people who are used to being able to fix things, to make things right. Dean is exactly that sort of person, and she recognizes that need in herself. It’s what drew her to social work, and she knows how it feels when nothing you do is going to change the outcome. Still, she’s surprised by just how angry Dean is.
‘I’m sorry, Kelly,’ Mandy finally says, ‘I’m so sorry. He’s just so angry.’
‘He’s hurting, just like you’re hurting, and he doesn’t know what to do with that pain other than lash out. Would you like me to go after him? I presume he’s going to see Jesse.’
‘No, let him be. Sam is with Jesse; he won’t make a scene in front of the kids. I’m sure I can talk to him later. Thank you, Kelly, this can’t have been easy for you.’
‘I’m here for Jesse. I’m also here for you, Dean and Sam, you know that.’
Mandy smiles weakly. ‘I don’t know how we’d have got through the past two years without you. Let’s talk tomorrow?’
Mandy and Kelly hug each other tightly before Mandy leaves Kelly’s office. Sitting at her desk, Kelly allows a single tear to escape before wiping her eyes.
For what feels like the hundredth time, she asks herself,why do I keep doing this, putting myself through such painful situations?Her answer comes quickly, almost reflexively:I can make a difference. I can help. With each patient, I become a better person, a better worker, even if the change is small. She scans her office, noticing the stark emptiness. When she first came to the city she lodged with an elderly woman, exchanging free board for a carer role. Her income came from dog walking and pet sitting other elderly neighbours’ animals. She thriftedclothes, giving her a lifetime desire for quality over fashion. When it became obvious her arts degree would not guarantee employment, she added a social work degree in her third year and had her placement at the same hospital where she has now worked full-time for the past three years. Her life is small, but it’s hers, and she loves it.
She lets out a deep breath and decides to get on with work. There are no family or pet photos on the walls, no childish drawings scattered on her desk, nothing that hints at a life outside the hospital. When the day finally ends, long after her colleagues have left, she’ll drive to her modest apartment in an old car, eat a ready meal from a fridge that barely keeps things cold, and sit on a sagging couch, a gift from the elderly woman she lived with during her studies. She knows just which channel will offer the black-and-white movies she’s grown to depend on as her only comfort, preferring the steady, measured pace of older films to the frenzied energy of modern ones. It’s easier to lose herself in the happy endings of old movies than reflect on her days. And she’ll sit there alone, her face illuminated by the flickering light of a screen.
CHAPTER 5
Alex turns his motorbike into the hospital grounds. He’s still annoyed with Ian and feels unprepared. What exactly is he supposed to do? Ian has given him no brief, no indication of what actually needs to be done. His bike parked, helmet under his arm, backpack slung casually over his left shoulder, Alex enters the hospital foyer. Retrieving a crumpled-up piece of paper from his pocket, he looks at the words scribbled down as he walks towards the lift bank.
Entering the first doors that open, he barely has time to push the button marked level 6 before he is jostled to the back by adults and children who fill the space, many of whom carry large balloons emblazoned with the wordsGET WELL SOONand bouquets of flowers, either professionally created or homemade bunches. All too soon the lift stops, and everyone exits as others enter. He catches the closing doors and steps outside. The doors shut, his fellow travellers disappear, and he stands alone.
Scanning the space, Alex’s eyes rest on a large sign suspended from the ceiling.
PAEDIATRIC ONCOLOGY WARD, 6 EAST.An arrow points to large double doors.
‘What the hell am I doing here?’ Alex says to the doors.
Two cautious steps forward trigger the doors as if giving him the answer: don’t ask questions, just go on in there and get the job done.
Two more steps and Alex has entered the bizarre foreign world of ward 6 East: it looks suddenly like the digital world of a game. He gazes at the brightly painted murals and hears laughter and quiet chatter coming from the rooms around him. Two boys, each wheeling a mobile IV pole with tubes leading into their arms, are caught up in a swordfight with rolled-up newspapers, laughing at each other’s attempt to score a hit. Staff, patients and visitors dodge them, seemingly oblivious to the mayhem they’re causing. Alex watches, takes a step forward, then a step back. His face registers anxiety and something like wonder.
He’s been told to report to the nurses’ station and so Alex walks further into the ward, finally seeing a long counter with people behind it dressed in an array of brightly coloured scrubs. A young boy chases a girl behind the counter, and they are both shooed away. Alex finally sees the sign readingNURSES’ STATIONpartly obscured by two women deep in conversation, one dressed in pale blue scrubs, the other in regular clothes. Slowly, Alex makes his way towards them, not wanting to interrupt but finding it impossible not to overhear.
‘Kelly, you have to give whoever they send a chance. Stop being such a mother hen,’ the nurse is saying affectionately.
‘But there’s so much riding on this. Jesse’s wish is so important to her,’ the other woman replies. Alex notices how her blue eyes flash.
‘Dean is so angry about it that it needs to be amazing for him to come around. I just want to make sure that the person who takes this on knows just how important it is.’
‘Every wish is important, Kelly, you know that, even though we’ve never had one for a personalised video or whatever it is Jesse wants.’ There’s a slight admonishment in the older woman’s tone.
