Page 109 of Cilka's Journey
“Yes, Commandant Schwarzhuber,” Cilka replies meekly.
“I’d do something about my feelings for you if I could. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Don’t call me sir here, in bed. Use my name, Cilka.”
“Johann.”
“It sounds so lovely coming from your lips. You do like me, don’t you?”
Cilka forces her voice to sound loving. He doesn’t see the tears she wipes from her eyes as she tells the biggest lie of her life. A lie that will allow her to stay alive.
“Of course I do, Johann.”
Tentatively Cilka runs her fingers through his hair. He purrs like a kitten, snuggling into her chest.
“Johann?”
“Yes, little one.”
“I’ve never asked you for anything in all the time we’ve been together, have I?”
“Mmm, no, I don’t think you have, why?”
“Could I ask you for just one thing?”
“I suppose so. Yes, if I can give it to you. What is it you want?”
“It’s not for me.”
“Then who?”
“For my friend Gita. She likes this man, just as I like you, and it would be good if he could have his old job back, he was very good at it.”
“What’s his job?”
“TheTätowierer—he was theTätowierer.”
“Mmm, I have heard about him. Do you know where he is?”
“I do.”
“Then why don’t we pay him a visit tomorrow?”
“Thank you, Johann. Thank you very much.”
Cilka clears her throat and swallows back her tears. There is no use for them in this place.
Aware that Boris is stroking her face, running his hands down her neck, Cilka forces herself to find that voice again.
“Oh, Boris, I don’t know what to say. I care so much for you; you have been so important in my life here.”
“But do you love me, Cilka?”
She clears her throat. “Of course I do. You have been my savior.” She marvels at his inability, now and always, to read the tone of her voice, her body language, the things that don’t lie. She doesn’t believe in miracles, in love.
“I have to take you with me. I want you with me. I can’t bear the thought of any of those animals putting their hands on you. They tell me they are lining up to take you as soon as I go.”
