Page 25 of Kaz
He was standing on the back patio, arms resting on the railing, while he kept a very conspicuous eye on Miles. He didn’t care that anyone might notice. They all knew how he felt. He hadn’t exactly kept it a secret. He didn’twantto keep it a secret.
He’d been seconds away from slamming his hand through the window on the second floor of the garage when he heard Miles say his name two days ago. He’d let it wash over him for a second, letting it settle that rage burning inside him, but one look at the worry in Miles’s eyes and he’d been on the cusp of giving in, of making Miles his.
He’d told Miles he wouldn’t have him again until he was sure Miles wouldn’t regret it. The fire raging in his veins told him he wouldn’t get to keep that promise.
“What’s on your mind?”
Kaz glanced up at his oldest friend. Solo’s dark brows were creased as he watched Kaz, his arms crossed as he rested his hip against the railing.
“Miles,” he answered honestly.
Solo huffed, the sound almost a laugh.
“What’cha gonna do about it?”
A sigh pushed past his lips, and he returned his gaze to Miles. He was standing by the fire pit, talking to Talon and Wilder, smiling at the two. He was starting to get along with everyone. As much as it warmed his heart, it also made it abundantly clear that he was the only one Miles was avoiding.
“Nothing, then?” Solo asked.
He met Solo’s brown gaze and said, “It’s not that simple. I broke his trust. I don’t want to fall into bed with him only to have him regret it. I want forever. I want it all.” He took a deep breath, that desperate need for Miles burning bright inside him. “I don’t want to mess it all up. I don’t want to lose him. Not again.”
Something flashed through Solo’s eyes for a split second before he squeezed them shut and turned his face away from Kaz. Silence remained between them for a few minutes, and he was back to staring at Miles when Solo spoke.
“Is it worth it?” Solo asked, his voice quiet and his gaze somewhere across the fire pit. “To have had him only to lose him?”
He eyed his friend curiously for a moment, surprised by his question. Solo had never asked how he felt about it before. He’d just been by his side, always there if he needed him.
“Those few weeks we had at nineteen? The memory of it is what’s kept me going ever since. It would hurt like hell if…” He swallowed hard, the words stuck in his throat. “If that’s all we get, but it was worth it.Milesis worth it.”
Solo nodded, his expression unreadable, but Kaz knew who the man’s gaze was locked on. She’d let her reddish-brown hair down tonight, opting to wear a skin-tight black dress instead of her usual jeans and T-shirt. Her laughter was easy to pick out among the many others. He knew that laugh as well as he knew himself.
“You should tell her.”
“What?” Solo croaked out, a flare of panic flashing through his eyes.
Kaz shrugged, trying to ease his friend’s worries. “That you’re in love with her.”
He didn’t know for sure what was going on between Jane and Solo. They had clearly decided to keep it to themselves. Not that he could blame them. He knew what fear could do to you. Especially when you were in love. It made you stupid. It made you do and say things you’d regret. He knew that better than anyone.
“How?” Solo cleared his throat, shaking his head slightly. “How do you…?”
Kaz’s gaze found Miles across the fire, golden eyes dancing in the flames as he stared right back at him. There was a challenge in that gaze, even if Miles didn’t realize it, and that game they were playing? He was about to lose if Miles kept it up, because while he might claim otherwise, he was weak. He was so fucking weak when it came to Miles Holland.
“You look at her like she’s the reason you breathe. Like without her, you can’t find a single fucking reason to keep breathing.”
“Kaz… I can’t…”
Solo’s voice was barely above a whisper, but there was something profoundly heartbreaking about it. Whatever Solo’s reason for staying away from Jane was, he understood. He wouldn’t push his friend, but hewouldbe honest with him.
He drank Miles in for a second longer before he turned to meet his friend’s gaze.
“I know what that’s like,” he said and squeezed Solo’s shoulder. “It might hurt more to have had Miles and lost him than to not have had him at all, but I’d take that pain any day. I’ll take any fucking scrap I can get, because I want to keep breathing. For him.”
His resolve to let Miles come to him, to slowly earn back his trust, was wavering. It was a flickering flame that could so easily be extinguished by nothing more than a small breeze, and it seemed like the wind was steadily picking up.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Miles
