Page 24 of My CEO Neighbor
And now they were staring at each other in the fluorescent glow, reality creeping back in with all its complications and impossibilities.They didn't move apart.They should have.Common sense dictated that whatever had sparked between them in the darkness needed to stay there, safely contained in the space between crisis and rescue.But Monica was frozen, caught between the Ted she'd created in her mind and the man sitting in front of her.
The elevator shuddered again, lurching upward for several seconds before grinding to another stop.The lights flickered and died, plunging them back into absolute darkness.
"So much for the power coming back," Ted said.
The darkness felt safer somehow, more honest.In the light, she could see the expensive fabric of Ted's suit, the sharp lines of his jaw, all the external markers that reminded her they came from different worlds.In the darkness, there was just his voice and his breath and the heat of his body.
"Can I tell you something I've never told anyone?"Monica said.
"Okay."
"I'm lonely."The words came out in a rush, like she was afraid she'd lose courage if she thought about them too long."Not just single lonely, existentially lonely.Like I'm speaking a language nobody else understands."
"What language is that?"
"The one where slowing down isn't laziness, where success isn't measured in dollar signs, where taking care of yourself isn't selfish."Monica's voice grew stronger as she spoke."I teach people about balance and presence, but half the time I go home to an empty apartment and eat dinner while scrolling through social media, watching other people live lives that look more complete than mine."
"Do you want what they have?"
"I want connection.Real connection, not the surface-level stuff that passes for relationships in this city."Monica squeezed Ted's hand."I want someone who sees the point of what I do, even if they don't do it themselves.Someone who understands that choosing a meaningful life over a profitable one isn't naïve, it's brave."
"It is brave."
"My mother doesn't think so.She thinks I'm wasting my education and my potential on what she calls 'California nonsense.'My college friends think I've lost my mind.They look at me like I'm a cautionary tale about what happens when you prioritize feelings over financial security."
"Are you happy?"Ted asked.
Monica considered this, surprised by how difficult the question was to answer honestly."I'm happier than I was in marketing.But I'm not...fulfilled.Not completely."
"What's missing?"
"Partnership.Someone to share it with."Monica felt heat creep up her neck."Someone who challenges me and supports me and doesn't think wanting both is contradictory."
"Is that what you thought about me?That I was someone who couldn't understand that?"
"I thought you were someone who'd sold his soul for stock options," Monica admitted."Someone who measured human worth in productivity metrics and thought people like me were indulgent."
"And now?"
Monica turned toward Ted's voice in the darkness, wishing she could see his face."Now I think you're someone who's been working so hard to prove his worth that he forgot to figure out what he actually values."
"What if what I value is the work?"
"Do you really believe that?"
Another long silence.Monica could hear Ted's breathing, deeper and more measured than it had been during his panic attack but still carrying traces of tension.
"I used to," Ted said finally."Or I thought I did.But sitting here with you, talking like this...I can't remember the last time I felt this present.This aware of where I am and who I'm with."
"How does it feel?"
"Terrifying."
"Good terrifying or bad terrifying?"
"I'm not sure there's a difference."
She felt a flood of tenderness at the honesty in his voice.She was supposed to be the one who understood emotions, who could parse the difference between fear and excitement, between anxiety and anticipation.But sitting in the dark with Ted, their hands linked and their confessions hanging in the air between them, she felt just as confused and overwhelmed as he sounded.
