Page 38 of Oh No! There's an Incubus in my Hot Spring
It’s midafternoon by the time I’m driving back, so I hit a fast-food joint and get two greasy burgers and a heap of fries. Even though Apollo doesn’t get energy from food, he could still enjoy it with me. Plus, it’s weird to just have someone watch while I eat.
Apollo is watching a ViewTube video of a cat that’s been autotuned to sing “America the Beautiful” when I come in. I laugh as I set the bag down on the little table.
“That’s enough mindless entertainment for now. Time for some fat and flavor,” I say, turning the laptop away from him.
“The things I’ve seen,” he says, seeming both traumatized and mystified. “Is it all real?”
“Most of it isn’t. Lots of it is manipulated after the fact. Like that cat? Definitely was not singing on tune like that.”
I pull out the cheeseburgers and set one in front of Apollo.
“What’s this?” he asks, inspecting the wrapping.
“Food, for you.”
“I don’t need to eat,” he says. “You shouldn’t spend the resources on me that you need.”
I shrug. “I have some extra cash, and I wanted you to be able to eat with me.”
He huffs, a tiny smile coming over his lips for a moment. “Thank you, my witch.”
“You can stop with the ‘my witch’ stuff. Seriously, if you want to address me, just call me Sylvia, but we’re the only two people in the room, so when you speak, I know who you’re talking to.”
“Unless I’m talking to Charlie,” he says, gesturing to my struggle ducky on the counter.
“Charlie is just me…”
Apollo raises an eyebrow. “He most certainly is not.”
I raise one right back. “He’s a rubber duck.”
“One that you’ve put time, energy, and effort into. One that you’ve communicated with for years. He may be inanimate plastic, but that does not make him any less alive.”
“Uh, I’m pretty sure that makes him completely not alive,” I say before taking a huge bite of my burger. It’s mid-tier. Nothing to write home about.
Apollo rolls his eyes and looks at Charlie. “Did you hear that? She said you’re not alive.”
“Rude…”
I stop mid-chew. “What…”
Apollo grins at me. “You’re a witch. You have been since birth. When you put energy and intention into something, you make it real. Your powers are weak, so it takes years, but you can manifest your reality. In this case, a rubber duck named Charlie who cares very much about your well-being.”
I look at Charlie sitting there, all unassuming. I swallow my half-chewed bite. “You’re just fucking with me, aren’t you?”
“I could fuck you, if you’d like,” Apollo says with a suave smile.
“Eat your burger,” I say, pointing to his greasy wrapper.
“As you wish,Sylvia,” he says, then unfolds the paper.
I look back at Charlie and take another bite.
“How’s that burger, buddy?”
“No fuckin way,” I shout, mouth still full as I jump to my feet and point at Charlie.
Apollo just laughs as he lifts his burger to his mouth for a bite.
