Page 86 of Feral Guardian
I can’t speak.
I don’t breathe.
What have I done?
My mouth hangs open and I try to summon words, but all that comes out is a low, pained groan.
Lily’s expression softens for a single heartbeat, like she’s considering taking it back, like she knows how deeply she’s wounded me. Inthat heartbeat, I see everything we’ve been for the last thirteen years, the love that’s grown between us, and how it’s changed, become more.
And then I watch that love wither like Nol’Ther’s decay as her gaze goes razor sharp again.
“You’re betraying me by taking me home. You’rekillingme,” she says with venom.
“I would never let anything hurt you—”
“But I’ve alreadybeenhurt, Alastair! Once we’re back in Fynren, surrounded by the queen’s powerful magi, I will be hurt again. You can’t stop it like this. You can’t save me by delivering me to death’s doorstep!”
“How do you know?” I demand, my fury rising. “What proof do you have it’s been her?”
She sneers and lifts her sleeves. The marks don’t come to life, but I know what she’s implying. The marks are dark, but they aren’t hurting her. They’re evil, but not designed to destroy her. They’re to make her stronger, that much I could feel despite not being able to read them.
Lily scoffs. “What, it’s not enough? Just because your mother carved you up—”
“Do not speak of her!”
Tears well in her eyes, but she grimaces, holding them at bay. “Everything I’ve fallen in love with has been a lie. Your whole life, omitted. I don’t even know who you are.”
I thought the pain could go no deeper, but it does. She digs into me with every word and my stomach clenches in agonizing knots. My demon bellows from within that I’ve done this, that I’vedamnedthis.
She turns away from me and my whole world is flipped upside down. I feel the prophecy I’ve so staunchly safeguarded against begin to bloom before my eyes, awakened in her fury. She won’t take the throne. The kingdoms will fall into chaos and war. Thousands if not millions will die. And if I tell her, I could make it even worse. I could destroy Gaien itself.
“You must take the throne of Fynren,” I whisper.
She whirls around and I see that the tears have already fallen. “Why? Why is that the only important thing to you?”
My heart hammers. “You’rethe most important thing to me!”
“I don’t believe you!”
My demon surges to the surface and Lily steps back, her eyes going wide with fear.
Control. I’m in control.
I push the monster away, stuffing my curse back in its magical cage.
Tears stream down Lily’s face freely. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t be trying to kill me. Don’t take me home, Alastair.”
I drop to my knees. I’m desperate for her to understand. “Please,” I beg, my hands out in supplication. “You are the purpose of my life. You are my everything. I will bleed for you, kill for you, die for you. But I cannot keep you from the throne.”
Her eyes fall shut, and she gives a shaky exhale. Tears drip from her chin to her chest, soaking the soft blue material of her shirt. She reaches into her pocket and removes a scroll. It’s the headmistress’s decree. She unfurls it with a flourish of magic, stripping her augmentations.
“Here’s my proof.” She steps forward and hands me the scroll. “There’s the lie I’ve kept from you. I thought if you knew, you’d leave me.”
I tear my gaze away from her sullen face and scan the document. Under the final judgement it simply states, “Unworthy of the royal name.”
“This…” Words fail me as I stare at the parchment. “What does it mean?”
“It means the queen sent me to that academy with only two ways out. Either I grew into the thing she wanted me to be—a proper, vicious lady who thinks of nothing but politics, who can transform herself into a powerful weapon, who knows no restraint and only strength. Or, I was going to die so that the next in line could do better than me.
