Page 17 of A Match Made in Hell
‘I think Willow wants to keep doing this,’ Sasha says, pouring more alcohol into Past Willow’s cup. ‘Maybe we should let her.’
She fills the cup to the brim, despite the fact hers is lying empty at her side.
Past Willow watches on, silently wishing Sasha would stopbecause she’s already had twice as much as everyone else and feels distinctly sick. Sasha’s not to blame though. She’s learned this is the only way to keep her from crawling back to bed and staying there.
Noah approved of this tactic at first – like Sasha he was pleased they’d discovered a way to stop her moping – but he became less enthused with no end in sight. He couldn’t takethisversion of Willow to his family parties. That ring would probably have stayed in his drawer forever.
‘Not here, we can’t.’ He reaches for Past Willow’s cup but she snatches it away, lurching to her left and sliding off the log. She gets a mouthful of sand for her trouble. Danny and Michaela, whose mouths have become unglued sometime during this exchange, laugh. Noah swears, hauling her up and murmuring low in her ear, ‘You’re embarrassing me.’
She doesn’t care. For one, wild, blissful moment she doesn’t care what Noah thinks. She’s not getting Nice Noah tonight; that much is obvious. He’s going to take her back to the tent and give her the silent treatment until she begs for his forgiveness because she can’t stand the thought of him leaving. Her mother’s dead. Her father left. She’s all alone, and he’s all she has, and she doesn’tcare.
She wrenches from his grasp and whirls on him. Behind them, Sasha’s eyes widen.
‘If you want to go back to the tent, go back to the tent,’ Past Willow says. ‘I’m staying here.’
Noah does a double take. Splutters. ‘What?’
‘You heard me.’ The cage unlocks and the beast within roars. Sathanas finally removes his arm from my grasp in order to place his hand on my back instead. He knows what’s coming as well as I do.
Noah’s features soften. He takes a step closer. ‘Baby, please. I need you. Come with me.’
No. No. She won’t fall into that trap; she knows it won’t last. But he said he needed her and she wants him to mean it this time; forsomeoneout there to need her. Indecision has her swaying on the spot. Maybe if she acts out a little more, she can scare him into loving her forever.
‘Think how your mum would hate seeing you like this.’ His voice is gentle now. ‘Let me look after you.’
Without mentioning her mum, that line would have worked, but the word is a blade that cuts through the longing for comfort.
‘Don’t,’ she says. ‘Don’t talk about her.’
‘Willow –’
His mouth moves, but she’s not listening to him. Not any more. She’s glancing around, looking for an escape, looking for a way not to feel all the things she’s feeling but doesn’t want to feel, because she’s a bottle that’s been shaken too hard and she’s ready to explode and he doesn’t understand, doesn’t get it, the only way to cope is to numb that feeling until it’s gone, to pretend she’s fine and perfect like everyone expects her to be, but he won’t let her forget, and it’s going to be like this forever and ever once he gives her that ring, and she wants to be free, free of his nagging, free from everything –
Her gaze snaps upwards. To the cliff. ‘I want to go up there.’
No no no.My throat is hoarse, like I’ve been yelling silent warnings this whole time and now I’ve nothing left to give.
Noah’s protests are sharp. Panicked. He doesn’t know how to deal with a Willow who won’t listen. She pulls Sasha to her feet, and they’re both giggling, because ignoring the person trying to save your life is apparently hysterical. Sasha grins in his direction right before they go tearing up the path. Noah doesn’t follow. If only he had, I might still be here, withhishand on my back.
Sathanas pushes me forward. I dig my toes into the sand, knowing what’ll happen if I follow, and if I see it then it’llbecome real, and I desperately, desperately don’t want it to be real.
‘If we stop now, you’ll fail,’ he murmurs. ‘Your choice.’
That doesn’t do anything to ease the jelly in my legs. But if I fail I can’t fix this, so I force myself to move, to trail Past Willow up the path. At least the climb doesn’t hurt like last time. My calves don’t burn. My lungs don’t gasp for air. When they finally reach the top, they spin in circles, howling at the moon, Sasha’s twirls as graceful as a ballerina’s. Past Willow, meanwhile, has just tripped over a rock.
Finally, they come to a halt, gasping. Sasha hesitates before taking Past Willow’s hand and squeezing. ‘Noah’s always upset with you these days. Maybe you two need some time apart.’
‘No, we don’t,’ Past Willow protests. Their –our –problems are a blip.
Sasha squeezes harder. ‘You could go travelling, like you’ve always wanted.’
The smile drops from Past Willow’s face. ‘I can’t. I’ll be starting that internship –’
‘You’ve not applied yet.’ Sasha sighs, looking at me with a pity I don’t want and didn’t ask for. ‘And they won’t offer it to you. You don’t have the qualifications.’
The same hot rush of anger burns in me now as it did then.
‘I’ll get them,’ Past Willow snaps. She should have gained them already, but she doesn’t like being reminded of that. ‘It’s the only way to fix everything.’
