Page 89 of A Match Made in Hell
They exit, and the room goes silent, leaving me and Sath alone. He’s still on his knees. My chest heaves. The gates tremble.
‘Get up,’ I snap.
He does, slowly, looking me up and down. I wonder what he sees. Wonder if he ever liked what he saw, or if it was all an act to get me to complete the tasks. ‘You lied to me.’
‘I didn’t have a choice,’ he says. ‘I once told you that in order to keep the divide between Asphodel and Tartarus, the ruler has to be . . . good. That wasn’t the whole truth.’
‘I’m stunned.’
Sath ignores me. ‘The divide is kept so long as the ruler can resist sin. And I can’t. Do you remember what I said, when we talked about sloth?’
I rack my brains. ‘That it was a vice of yours. Something about . . . dereliction of duty.’
He nods. ‘My duty here was to protect the humans. Every time I pandered to the demons, I failed in that duty. I punished humans who didn’t deserve it. And the weight of that failure, that sin, it was overwhelming me. Eventually, the gates would crack open. I had to find a replacement. I didn’t have a choice.’
‘It didn’t have to beme.’
Sath eyes the fire rippling down my arms, and swallows. ‘You need to control your anger.’
‘Ican’t.’ Glass bottles smash behind the bar. I’m too hot, smoke pouring from me, thick and grey and smelling like charred embers. I want to set the whole room on fire. I want to sethimon fire. ‘You lied to me. This whole time. You said I was going home.’
‘Even if that was true, you forfeited that option when you killed Aric,’ he reminds me. It’s about the worst possible thing he can say. I’d chosen to stay when I thought I’d be able to dictatemy own future. Instead he’s made the choice for me just like everyone else in my life, telling me who I can and can’t be. I don’twantto rule Asphodel. I don’t want this responsibility. I’m not cut out for this.
More flames spark from my arms. My eyeballs are burning; I doubt there’s any green left in them now. And the gates, they’re shaking, shaking like I am. The demons wait behind the doors, snarling and growling, knowing it won’t be long now.
‘Willow.’ Sath grabs my arm, tugging me towards him. With his other hand, he cups my chin. ‘You have to think of something else. Anything to distract yourself from wrath.’
There’s nothing. All I know is rage.
‘Please.’ He dips his head so we’re eye level. I blink, taking him in. His breath ghosts my mouth, colder than I’ve ever felt it. His fingers, too, are like ice. Every touch is like sinking into a cold bath on a summer’s day.
I inhale. Exhale. Again. My fire dies, and I swallow, feeling more like myself. ‘How could you do this to me?’
‘I’m sorry,’ he whispers. ‘By the time I realised I was –’ He breaks off, gaze flicking to the floor, then back to me. ‘When we grew closer, I wanted to tell you the truth, but I knew I’d lose you. You’d hate me for lying, and I’d be no closer to solving the situation with the gates. Tartarus would be unleashed. The humans would be tortured for eternity, or they’d end up in the Void, and the thought of you, of all people, going to that place, of you notexisting. . . I couldn’t bear it.’
‘Don’t pretend you did it for me.’ My chin wobbles. ‘You are not the good guy here.’
‘I never said I was the good guy. I told you when we first met, I amnotnice.’ His eyes glisten. ‘I used to be. I want to be.’
‘The only thing you are is selfish,’ I snap. ‘You used me to solve your own problems without once thinking how I’d feel about it. You lied to me for as long as possible so you could,what, enjoy my company while it lasted?’
‘If I’d wanted to enjoy you, Willow, we both know I could have.’
I hiss at the implication. Good to know the one emotion stronger than anger is sheer, undiluted mortification.
‘Nothing about this has been enjoyable, trust me. Nothing about the last two damn centuries has beenenjoyable.’
It’s the first time I’ve heard him raise his voice. There’s no quiet threat of seduction and death, just years of raw frustration and pent-up rage finally unleashed.
‘I wanted to keep away. I should have. You’re right, I am selfish. I couldn’t resist being around you despite knowing it would only end one way.’ Sath releases me and steps away. Tears stream down my face as he continues, ‘Be angry with me. I deserve it. But don’t pretend there isn’t a part of you that doesn’t want this. The power, the attention, the ability to smite anyone who pisses you off. I saw into your soul and discerned all those things. You have the power now to see into mine.’ He gives me a sad smile. ‘Finally, no secrets between us.’
It would be great if he had the decency to give me a lesson in these new-found powers of mine. All I seem capable of doing is catching alight, not seeing into people’s souls.
But then I look at him. Properly. A shimmering white light surrounds him, and then it goes deeper, into his heart – one heart now, his own, pure and untainted by whatever the thing is inside me. I see his desperation to be good, and the fear that he’s not. I see glimpses of his past: a woman, smiling at him from across the pillow, a dog running through a field, a boat bobbing along a calm sea. I see he was a vegetarian, which makes me snort, because now he’s made to butcher people for a living. I don’t blame him for wanting out.
I do blame him for not telling me.
The different parts of me war over what to do. But then Iremember every smile we shared, every touch, and how it was all built on a lie. He made me feel things I’m not sure I’ve ever felt for anyone, not even Noah, and now I’ve no idea how much of it was real. I hate how badly Iwantit to be real, even after what he’s done.
