Page 51 of Kiss-Fist
And Dex’s eyes are bright when I make the offer, smacking his hand down on the rickety old table. “Oh fuck yeah! Let’s do it.”
We make plans, discussing where and possibly when. But it’s only when we finally part ways that doubt begins to creep in again. This is probably the worst idea I’ve had yet. I can barely sign, Dex can’t sign at all, and I have no idea what this woman he’s into knows.
Robbie isn’t going to like this at all.
“You did what?” Leaf asks me as he angrily pulls a weed out of the ground. His cheeks are red, and his hair is askew. He looks worse for wear, like he hasn’t been getting enough sleep or enough to eat. “You asked Robbie on a double date with all hearing people who don’t know how to communicate with him? And you think this is a good idea. Good fuck, Thom. Honestly.”
I shift on my feet and watch as he waggles the weed in his hand. Dirt hits my shoes, and I arch an eyebrow. I was expecting him to chastise me, but the vitriol in his voice is a little…intense.
“Uh, you okay?”
He huffs and tosses the weed to the side, casting me aslightly apologetic glance. “I’m exhausted and grumpy and taking it out on you. I’m sorry. This isn’t like me.”
“It’s alright, man. No worries. Is it Michael again?”
He yanks another weed from the ground. “How did you know? Did you see the raised bed when you came in? It’s freaking demolished. He scaled it, the little fucker. I didn’t even know they could do that. I set up cameras to catch him in the act, but instead of running away, he just eats my stuff right in front of them. I swear to god, Thom. He’s mocking me.”
“Leaf. He’s a rodent. I don’t think he’s actually mocking you.”
My new friend glowers at me, violently yanking another weed from the ground. “He is. I know it. I’m going to blow his sneaky little hidey-holes up. I’m going on the dark web for TNT. I have a seller already.”
A laugh escapes me, but I choke it back when he stares at me intensely. Oh hell, he’s not joking. “Listen, bro. I’m pretty sure guys like us need to stay far, far away from the dark web.”
“Don’t. I’m ready to do hard time over this, Thom. I mean it. I happen to look fabulous in orange.”
I gently touch his arm and pull him away from the weed patch he’s destroying. “I think you need to get out of here for a bit. Let’s go for a walk, yeah?”
“I don’t want to walk! I want revenge!” His voice echoes through the fields, and I arch an eyebrow at him.
“No, seriously, dude. You need a minute. I think you’re losing your mind.” He huffs as I pull him forward toward hishouse. “We’re gonna go on a walk, and you’re gonna touch grass, alright?”
“I hate grass. I have terrible allergies.”
“You’re gonna take a Claritin and then touch it and stop talking about going on the dark web and blowing up groundhog holes.”
“I mean it. I’m very serious about all of it.” Now he just sounds tired.
I give his arm a soft pat. “I know, bud. Come on.”
I have to physically pull him through the house and out the front door, stopping only to grab him a granola bar and shove some of it in his mouth.
He chews it reluctantly. “I’m still very angry.”
“I know, but let’s walk it off and talk about it rationally,” I say as we move down the rural gravel path that leads to the next house, which sits about a half a mile away.
“We’ve moved past rational and are now in insane territory. This groundhog means business, and so do I. I will not rest until I have his head mounted above my fireplace.”
I grimace. That is not an image I wanted to have. “Come on, let’s walk faster. You need to burn off some of this intensity. It’s not good for your heart.”
Our legs move at a quicker pace, and I hear Leaf’s breaths puff out of him with each forward step. I’m glad I showed up when I did. Who knows what he’d have done if I hadn’t.
God, he probably would have blown up his entire house and set the land on fire.
I would have arrived and seen him, fists in the air, laughing maniacally.
“So tell me about this terrible double date idea,” Leaffinally says, and I’m thankful he’s thinking about that instead of the groundhog. “It’ll take my mind off Michael and his nefarious ways.”
“Yeah, alright. So like I said. Dex suggested a double date with a girl he likes and, you know, Robbie and I. Well, I suggested it, and he agreed. For the record, I knew it was a terrible idea the moment I said it, but I didn’t have the heart to take it back. Dex looked so happy.”
