Page 27 of Tempting the Goalie
“I feel terrible, Izzy,” he begins.
“Yeah me too.” I grip the armrest.
“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking that night. I shouldn’t have kissed you in my car. It was careless of me with all the attention I’ve been getting lately,” he laments.
“It was a mistake,” I agree, unable to look at him. I stare out the window instead as an uncomfortable silence settles around us.
Luc pulls the car off to the side of the road. “Please don’t say that. To me it wasn’t a mistake.”
His words force me to look at him. To take in the tortured look on his face.
“I’m not sorry about what we did. I’m sorry it was made public,” he continues.
I don’t know what to say. It’s everything I want to hear and fear, all at once.
“Tell me you aren’t sorry. Tell me I haven’t lost you, and we haven’t screwed up our friendship,” he pleads, but it’s his plea offriendship that feels like a sword through my heart. He still sees me as his friend. As much as I hate it and want more, I won’t abandon him like he won’t me.
“We haven’t messed up our friendship,” I confirm, feeling the need to put him out of his misery. “I just hate I’ve become one of your floozies.”
“You could never be that, Mon coeur,” he insists.
“Did you see the comments on the video?” I ask him.
He nods. “I hate it.”
“Guys and girls in school look at me now. They know I’m the girl from the video. I hate the attention on me, but I also hate we haven’t spoken in five days.”
“I hate it too,” he says exhaling. “I know it’s hard, but this will blow over. The next athlete will get their attention soon and we’ll be an afterthought.”
“That can’t happen soon enough,” I scoff.
He takes my hand and kisses the back of it. “I missed you. That night was. . .”
What is he saying. The way he’s behaving now is confusing the hell out of me. We don’t touch this way. He doesn’t spread small kisses on my hand.
“Luc, what is happening?” I ask.
“I don’t know. You wanted me to teach you, and I showed you there was nothing wrong with you, as I predicted,” he explains. “For someone who hasn’t come before, you did just fine.”
I smile and duck my chin. “Don’t hide from me,” he says, taking hold of my chin and turning me to look at him. “I want you to be confident. To own your sexuality.”
I remain silent, feeling like the cat has gotten my tongue.
“It’s probably better I stop exploring. It seems like I get into trouble when I try new things,” I finally say.
“I was hoping you would say we could do this a little longer,” he replies, surprising me. “But I understand.”
“You still want to teach me?” I ask, surprised.
“Not if it’s going to hurt our friendship. You’re the most important thing to me. I won’t risk what we have.”
“I hated pulling away from you, but I felt like I was drowning,” I admit.
“Next time, which I hope there won’t be one, you come to me. We work this out together,” he says. “It’s always been us against the world. That can’t change.”
“I know,” I agree. “Did your coach see the video?” I ask because he was supposed to keep a low profile, and that video screamed he was trouble.
He nods. “I got into more trouble. The teams think I may have a sex addiction.”
