Page 49 of A Baby for the Texas Cowboy
“She wants to get rid of me,” Anders said, feeling the burn all over again, but this time it felt darker, colder. “She’s not sure she wants to be a mom.”
“I’d imagine lots of women find themselves in that position initially. How are you helping her with that?”
“I told her I’d be there for her and the baby. I said we should get married. I’m getting paperwork in order so that she and the baby are financially taken care of,” Anders said, feeling a bit defensive. “You would have done the same thing—taken responsibility. You taught me that. A man is responsible for his own actions.”
“Yes, but there’s more to it than that,” Axel said softly. He’d paused in the grooming, and Sundown stomped his left front hoof. Axel stroked the horse’s neck.
“I helped raise you best I could,” Axel said. “But I was fourteen when Aurik died, and then Mom passed soon after, and Dad was pretty worthless after that. He worked hard, but he stayed away from the house, from us.”
“You were like both parents to me and August. He fought you all the time.”
“We can only now be in the same room without him going nuclear on me.” A grim smile touched Axel’s mouth. “Cruz and Catalina help us to communicate better. I helped raise you, Anders, but I didn’t help you with the more civilized communication skills. Not my strong suit.”
Since Axel had always been known as the strong, silent Wolf, these words were an amusing understatement, but nothing seemed funny to Anders right now. He was still reeling, off balance, and no amount of time standing on the medicine ball was going to right him.
“I protected you. I tried to protect both of you,” Axel said softly, leaning into Sundown’s neck as if for comfort. “To try to make up for not protecting Aurik.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Anders said reflexively. “You nearly drowned pulling him out of the river.”
He didn’t remember any of it. He’d been too young, but people in the town talked about the tragedy still. There were claims that the infamous creek that regularly flooded on their property was haunted still by Aurik’s frantic cries and his dead mother’s grief-stricken moans as her ghost wandered creek side searching for her lost child.
“People in town talked about our family a lot. We have a colorful history, and we’ve had more than our fair share of tragedy. I didn’t want you to have to deal with all the gossip. That’s why I…” Axel paused and sucked in a deep breath and squared his shoulders like he was going into battle. “Dad killed himself, Anders.”
“Wait, what? It was a heart attack. It…he…” He shut up. He remembered waking up to go to school. He’d had a test in biology and another in calculus.
Axel had been home, which was shocking. Axel had looked serious and asked him if he had anything important going on at school that day. He’d told him about the tests and the presentation in his civics class. Axel had made him pancakes and driven him to school. He’d picked him up at the end of the day, and on the way home he’d said their dad had died.
Anders had been stunned into silence.
“The coroner said heart attack,” Anders said. “But I thought it was the drinking.”
“You knew about that too.” Axel looked regretful. “He never managed after Mom died.” Something twisted Axel’s stoic features, but then his expression smoothed out. “Hanged himself.”
Anders stared in disbelief.
“He called me to come home. Immediately. I didn’t want to leave before the final, so I rode. I won that one and was feeling high, but instead of celebrating I drove all night to get back to the ranch. Found him when I walked in the front door. He hadn’t bothered to wait for me.”
If Axel had left immediately for home when his father had called, would their father have still been alive? Would Axel have been able to stop him? He must have wondered that a million times. Alone.
“Jesus.” Anders found himself sitting down next to his horse—not a smart place to be. Nocturnal turned to look at him, expression curious and irritated.
“I didn’t want you to have to deal with all the crap from kids at school and the gossips of the town. The coroner was kind. The police chief kinder. For years people kept talking about Aurik dying, haunting Fury Creek. Then Mom died only months later, overdosing in the house.” Axel paused and closed his eyes, and Anders realized in dread that Axel had probably found her too. She’d closed herself off in Aurik’s room, and their father had taken to sleeping in the barn.
“People in town talked about hearing her ghost wandering down in the hollow along the creek calling out for Aurik. Last thing you needed was a hangman story following you around your last couple years of high school.”
Axel paused looked at Anders, opened his mouth, then shook his head and turned back to his horse.
Axel had hated the tragedy and ghost gossip surrounding their family. August had loved it, making up even more haunting stories. Anders had never seen a ghost and hoped to keep it that way.
“We never talked like this before,” Anders said, almost marveling despite the revelations that made him feel dizzy. His dad had left them first in a bottle, and then finally by his own hand. And Anders had let him. He hadn’t reached out to his father at all. He’d felt it was his father’s duty to protect his family and he hadn’t. He’d left it all to his eldest son. The entire burden. He held out his hand, needing the contact.
Axel reached out a large hand and hauled him to his feet like he weighed the same as a bag of oats.
“That’s on me,” Axel said. “I was in survival mode for years. After you left to chase the pro rodeo and then got your ticket to the AEBR the next year, I cleaned out the house, locked it up, even nailed shut the front door,” he said. “Too many ghosts.”
Anders hugged his brother hard. Axel stiffened and then hugged him back, then embarrassed they both moved back.
“Thank you for being my brother,” Anders said, “but you don’t need to protect me anymore. I want to share your burdens. I want to contribute to the family and the ranch.”
