Page 18 of A Baby for the Texas Cowboy
“No. But we have a child coming, and we have to prepare.” Anders sounded infinitely patient, unlike John when she had once—only once—balked at his plans. Defensively, she wrapped her fingers around her throat. “We have to be on the same page.”
“I don’t…I don’t want…” Thoughts flew around her brain like swarming bees. She couldn’t catch one. She couldn’t hear herself think.
Why was he here? Why was he trying to act all noble or whatever game he was playing? There was no same page for them.
“You and I did our best to prevent a pregnancy.” Tinsley clung to that fact. “You have condoms in your wallet. In your travel bag. In your toiletry bag. You are ready at all times.”
“Nothing’s foolproof, Tinsley.” He seemed so calm, as if both their lives hadn’t been blown up by one broken condom.
She couldn’t breathe. It was so hot in here. She turned around to look for a door, a window, an escape.
“Tinsley.” Anders sounded far away, but the worry on his face made her feel like prey. She had to run. She had to go. She was going to have a panic attack. She’d had them before growing up—a few. She’d managed to hide most, but after John…
Don’t think about him. Stay here. Stay now.
But here and now was the last place she wanted to be.
“I have to think. I have to…” She whirled around and started for the back door, but her vision grayed and the floor seemed to roll. Was this an earthquake? She’d never been in one. Did Texas have earthquakes? Was it from fracking? Texas was an oil state, right?
Dimly, she heard Anders talking, his beautiful voice soothing the way she’d heard him talk to the bulls in the pens before his rides.
“Hey, you’re okay.” Anders had one arm around her body, just under her breasts, as she pressed against the door, trying to get outside. His other stroked down her spine.
Nothing was okay. It would never be okay. She had no idea how to be a mother. She’d had a terrible example. And she didn’t want to give another man any say in her life ever again.
“Just take a breath, baby. Breathe with me, Tinsley.”
How humiliating. And this wasn’t even a full-blown panic freak-out. She usually managed to avoid those by having space and independence. Not getting boxed in by expectations and rules and people demanding things from her she couldn’t give.
The baby was going to be very demanding.
She squeezed her eyes shut. What was she going to do? How was she going to cope?
Do not cry.
“That’s better.” His voice was so soothing. She’d always loved the way his voice was low, resonant, quiet. Not trying to out-talk anyone. He was one of the few men she’d met who truly listened.
“You need to go,” she whispered. “You need to. I have to be alone,” she told him.
“Tinsley, I’m not leaving. Hey, stop running.”
But she dashed for the door. He reached out and snagged her arm, and without thinking, she pulled and spun so that he was outside facing her. She pushed hard, grabbed the dangling rope of the roll-down door, and pulled with all her strength. She shot the bolt home.
Chapter Six
Tinsley stared atthe lock, her breath sawing in and out of her lungs.
She’d locked Anders out of his family’s tasting room.
What had she been thinking?
Nothing. That was the problem. She’d acted like a drama queen—so not her.
How could something the size of a plum start changing her life so dramatically? And its power would only grow. Swallow her whole. And what if she became like her mother? And Anders like her father? Or like John.
She squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn’t act like this. She had to get control.
“Tinsley, stop messing around. Let me in.”
