Page 81 of Score to Settle
Jake doesn’t even realize the kind things he does. Helping Mama with the shopping. Opening his truck door for me.
Jake Sullivan is the best wingman anyone could ask for.
Jake Sullivan has spent his life wanting the approval of one man—his father. With Harry Sullivan’s tragic death when Jake was just ten years old, it seems as though Jake coped by deciding that without his father, he wouldn’t be seeking approval from anyone else. Jake will say he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks of him, and while a part of that is true, it’s important to recognize that not caring what people think isn’t the same as not caring, because Jake cares deeply about his family, football, and his friends.
And then my gaze lands on the last entry and it steals my breath.
I think I’m falling in love with this man!
I scrunch my eyes shut, a well of emotion gripping me by the throat. I see it so clearly. Harper is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, despite how things might have started out between us. There’s a reason she’s the first person whose opinion I care about. The first woman I’ve let see beyond the bravado. She’s funny and smart and cute as hell. And maybe she isn’t perfect. Maybe she makes mistakes, but that makes two of us. Because I just told her she means nothing to me.
And when I think of the hurt flashing in her eyes, I realize I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life.
FORTY
HARPER
JAKE:I’m really sorry for what I said.
JAKE:Can we talk?
JAKE:Please meet me.
JAKE:The team is going to New York early for some press events ahead of Sunday’s game. We’re leaving today. Can we please talk when I’m back?
It’s the first day back in the office after New Year’s and everyone is quiet. The atmosphere is sullen. People staring down the barrel of a long, cold January, wishing they’d booked the extra vacation and started the year next week. I’m the only one glad to be back. Routine and focus. That’s what I need.
I’ve spent the last five days avoiding Jake’s attempts to contact me. I stayed nearby even after he’d pushed me away, just until I’d spoken to Mama and knew he was OK. She gave me a tight hug and told me she’d see me soon, and I turned away before she could see my tears. I get that he was upset, but those words came from somewhere real.
We were nothing. Just some fun. It was a challenge to see if I could get you into bed and I did.
Maybe someone else in my position could forget it. Chalk it up to a moment of anger. But I can’t. I don’t have a big life, a big family, people I can depend on. But for a while, I thought I had Jake. For the first time in my life, Mia wasn’t the only one I could turn to, and that meant something. And now he’s gone. In his wake is a hollow emptiness. A reminder of how so very alone I am in this world.
I’ve buried myself in my novel this week, turning down Mia’s invite to a New Year’s Eve party and staying home alone, escaping into my characters. I wrote the final chapter this morning before work, the words pouring out in a rush of emotions as my characters found the happy ever after I couldn’t. The novel is finished and the excitement I feel is almost enough for me to ignore the emptiness. When I first started writing this novel, it was in secret. I was embarrassed, telling myself it was just a distraction and I’d never do anything with it. But now… I don’t know what the future holds for me and my writing career, but I know I’m going to carry on. Jake might not be in my life anymore, but I know his confidence has rubbed off on me. I no longer care if people think I’m a sellout. Writing sexy vampire stories makes me happy and that’s all that matters.
I wish Jake’s feature would write itself just as easily. I’ve spent the morning at my desk, staring at the blank screen of my computer. I have all the notes I typed up over the weekend. I have funny anecdotes, quotes, and memories from his childhood. But I no longer have the direction. The feature Tim is expecting is one which starts with me believing Jake is his reputation, then me seeing the real Jake—the man behind the bravado—who is kind and sweet. Except after Jake told me I was just a challenge, I don’t know how true that is or how to write this feature. I can’t bring myself to write either version—the one where Jake is good, or the one where he isn’t.
If I could find that perfect opening line, I think the rest will follow. I know a part of me is reluctant to start because starting will lead to finishing. The feature on Jake is the final thread that holds us together. Despite the hurt, I’m struggling to let it go. Letusgo. Yet I couldn’t answer the phone when he called. Another number has been calling too that I don’t recognize and I haven’t dared answer in case it’s Jake.
Mia called last night to tell me Jake stopped by her apartment yesterday. With our fight and then Jake ending things between us for good, I didn’t get the chance to tell him I’d found my own apartment. The studio is small but airy, overlooking a park. It’s only a few blocks from the gym and Mia’s place. When I first saw it, I thought of me and Jake dividing our time between the city and the ranch. I even wondered if Buck would like the park, but it’s just me now. Mia has helped me shop for furnishings and already it’s a mishmash of colors. If I block out the beauty of the ranch—those green paddocks, the lake, and the distant mountains—the apartment almost feels like home.
My eyes drag to my phone and the empty screen. Jake’s message from this morning is still there. He’s leaving for New York. This weekend is the final game of the season. It’s against the undefeated Steelguards. The Stormhawks need this win to make the playoffs. Despite everything, I want it for them. For him.
I steel myself with a deep breath and focus on my computer and the blank document waiting to be filled.Just start typing, I tell myself.Damn you, Jake Sullivan. Why did you have to make me fall for you?
There’s a shout of joy from the office kitchen and I look up, glad for the distraction. It’s Callie. “Oh my God, there are donuts. Whoever brought these is my new best friend.”
She pokes her head of red curls around the door as I hide my smile.
“Alison, was it you?”
The senior reporter shakes her head. “The only thing I leave in the kitchen in January is salad. But I’m starving, so I’ll take a donut. Diet starts next week, I guess.”
“Kevin?” Callie asks like she already doesn’t believe it.
“Yeah, right,” he scoffs. “But if you’re offering one.”
Eventually her eyes land on me and I give a wave. “Hey, bestie.”
