Page 33 of Enzo
I look at him in confusion. “When?”
“Two weeks ago? Maybe? I don’t know. I haven’t decided if I’m going to take them or not.”
I don’t ask why, knowing that’s not what he needs. No one can force Enzo to do anything he doesn’t want to do, especially when it comes to medication, but fuck. Something in me curls up and aches at the thought of him going through this without any support from me.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask softly, quietly.
“I don’t want to burden you. Not any more than I already have.”
I flinch. “Is that what you’ve thought this entire time? The reason you’ve been shutting me out? You think supporting you, being here for you, is a burden?”
“What else can it be, K?”
I stare at him, silent for so long he finally looks over at me. “I don’t know,” I say, trying my best to keep my emotions out of my voice. “Maybe love? Did you ever think of that? I didn’t spend the last few months, let alone the last ten fucking years with you because I felt anything but love for you, you fucking asshole.”
He has the decency to flinch. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Then enlighten me.” I deserve a fucking cookie for not exploding, but the anger and hurt choking my insides right now is layered in frozen fear.
It’s as if everything I’ve built the last few years is starting to unravel and I’m desperately trying to hang on.
“I know you love me, darlin’. I love you too. So fucking much I don’t want to drag you down this road of hell with me.”
“If you can’t rely on the people who love you, then who do you have, Enzo?” I ask quietly.
Without waiting for an answer, I stand. “Lara reminded me that it’s not just you who went through something traumatic. I didn’t want to listen because I’m not the one dealing with the aftermath, but…that’s not true. Am I too much? Too overbearing, too pushy? Too clingy? If I am, all you have to do is speak up. I don’t want to push you too much too soon, but dammit, I was there. I heard your heart stop beating. I saw them race to save your life even if they couldn’t save your leg, and I faced the very real possibility of living without you.” Swiping at my eyes, I look away from him, not wanting to see whatever sorrow or guilt or…anything from him right now.
“I have no idea what you’re going through, but you haven’t been alone this entire time. Maybe that’s what you need, more than support. Fuck if I know. I do know I’m not going to put up with it. Not today.”
“Kail—”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to fight with you, not when I know it’s not your fault, not really. I just…need some time to get my head on right, and you do too.” I look at him then, hating that I’m adding to his pain, but my sister is right. Enzo isn’t the only one who needs to heal, and maybe we can’t do that together, not today at least.
He reaches for the crutches and stands, taking a step toward me, but I wrap my arms around myself and shake my head, backing away a step.
“Whatever you’re thinking, darlin’... it’s not true. None of this…it’s not about you.”
I let out a strained laugh. “Oh, I know that, and that’s why I need to remove myself from this conversation. Before it does become personal and we end up hurting each other more than we already have.” Pain and confusion crosses his expression, but…how can I explain the current maelstrom of emotions running through me when I can barely breathe?
“I love you,” I tell him softly. Before I can second guess myself, I turn on my heels and leave the room, heading upstairs to the bedroom I’ve barely slept in because I hadn’t wanted to leave Enzo’s side. Maybe that was a mistake.
Maybe all of this… the freedom I’ve had to care for him through his recovery did more harm than good.
The tears are hot as they fall down my face, and I burrow under the blankets, wondering where it all went so fucking wrong.
Sweat streams down my face as I set the weight down, and Jayden makes a displeased hum from where he stands, scribbling something on the clipboard in his hand. I wipe my brow and glare at him, working hard to regulate my breathing.
“I want to see you do this shit,” I bitch at him, stretching my good leg out in front of me.
“I can, that’s the difference,” he replies dispassionately.
“You’re such a fucking asshole.”
He doesn’t respond, though he does flick his gaze to mine, the look in his eyes promising pain. Great, just…fucking great. Pissing off the sadist isn’t the smartest idea, but he makes it so fucking hard not to when he acts all high and mighty.
Luckily, I’m saved from whatever torture he can cook up as the door to Doc’s home gym opens and Benji steps through. Jayden looks at him and frowns. “We’re busy.”
My best friend doesn’t let that discourage him, smiling at the physical therapist. “Don’t look that busy to me.”
