Page 24 of Enzo
I know he’s paid very well by the Family, we all are, but this is…something else. It screams of privilege, and it’s only because I want to keep living that I don’t ask more questions about Doc’s past.
I know he has one. That year I was his bodyguard I saw way too many hints of someone who’d been traumatized, but one thing you learn early in this life is to not ask too many questions.
“How you doing?” Benji asks quietly, sitting in the armchair adjacent to the sofa. He grimaces. “I’m sure you keep getting asked that, but fucking hell, Enz, you scared the shit out of me.”
I look down at my lap, tracing my fingers along the edge of the book I’m still holding. “I… I don’t know. And that’s the truth. Things are so fucked right now. I’m having another surgery tomorrow. I’m not at home in my own bed. My fucking boyfriend has been taking care of me because the first week I was in so much pain… hell, I’mstillin pain. It comes and goes, and it’s not even always the pain from the residual limb, but… I swear, sometimes it’s like my leg is still there and being crushed all over again.
“I don’t feel like myself, but I don’t know how to change that either. Cristian basically said get help or get out, and well…I’m terrified. What if the therapist says it doesn’t get any better than this? That even when I’m able to get a prosthetic and walk ontwo feet—sort of—my life still won’t be fully my own. What’s that going to do to Kail? To our relationship?”
“You’re a fucking dumbass.”
I glare at my so-called best friend. “Really.”
“You’re worrying about things you can’t change or fix. It happened. There’s no going back, only moving forward. Kail loves you. I don’t know why, because you’re not all that and he can do way better, but whatever. He loves you and he’s stuck by you. Even agreed to your stupid ‘I don’t want to tell Roman because he’ll feel guilty’ thing.”
“It’s not stupid. You know how he is. Once he found out Thomas was married he tried to get Ten to take him off his guard, because he didn’t want Thomas to spend more time with him than he did with Jennie. You know it would be a million times worse if he knew about me and Kail. It’s easier this way. Kail doesn’t mind. It’s not like we’re in the closet or anything, I’ve just chosen not to get too personal with my principal.”
The look Benji gives me is unimpressed, but it’s an argument we’ve been having since Kail and I started dating. Having grown up with his father and brothers as Amato guards, Kail knows the score. No, his family might not be on the personal guard for the main Family, but he knows how the Family works and how many hours I’ve had to put in as the Head of Roman’s Guard.
Being available twenty-four seven for the Amato heir isn’t something everyone’s able to handle. It’s a thankless job at times, even though Roman is very sweet and gracious. He cares about those in his family’s employ, and he’s going to make an amazing Boss one day.
It’s because of his soft, caring heart that I chose to keep my relationship quiet. As much as I trust my fellow guards, there are only some people, like Benji, who I trust enough to have Roman’s back.
“Look, Enzo. I’m not here to give you a hard time,” Benji says with a sigh. “I’ve wanted to see you because you’re my friend and I’ve been worried. I want to know you’re taking care of yourself. Thomas, Dante, and me? We have Roman. He’s safe. He’s not happy about not being able to see you, but we’re doing our best.
“I just want you to be okay, and now I know you’re not… Fucking hell, it’s killing me. That could have been me, or Thomas, or any number of other guards. It could have been any other driver, but it just happened to be Luigi that day… We all know what we’ve signed up for, but it’s not until death is staring you in the face that you reallyunderstand.And I don’t think I would have been okay had you not made it.”
I swallow, the emotions crashing over me making it impossible to speak for a long moment. Closing my eyes, I take a long, slow breath.
Fuck.
Meeting Benji’s gaze, I say the only thing I can. “I don’t think I’d be okay if you weren’t here.”
He huffs a laugh. “Fuck. I hate you, you know that? Have me all up in my feelings in fucking Doc’s house.”
I snort. “You love me.”
“Sometimes. You’ll be okay, Enz. I can’t imagine how you feel right now, but you’re not dealing with this shit alone. I’m here now, and you’re not getting rid of me.”
“Like a fucking growth,” I deadpan.
He flips me off and we both laugh.
I won’t admit it, but…some of the crushing despair that’s been smothering me from the inside out eases a little knowing Benji is here and I can’t push him away, even if I tried.
It’s…freeing to know some parts of the old me are still there. I simply hope it’s enough to tide me over, because who knows how long it’ll take to discover if there’s more beneath the pain.
Fuck, I hope so.
The hospital waiting room is uninspiring, and the worn flooring is most likely going to have the path I’m pacing etched into it for all time now.
Waiting for Enzo to make it through surgery is painful, especially as I’m not allowed to be in the operating room. Doc and the Boss both put their feet down, citing that it wouldn’t do me any good to be present.
That may be true, but it doesn’t mean I’m not bitter about it. Though Doc was also barred from the room by the surgeon, and that makes me feel a little better, he’s handling the whole waiting thing worse than I am. At least he has Soren to keep him in line.
The younger man seems oddly perfect for my friend. He might look like an angel, but watching the two of them together, I can see and feel the bite to his personality. Part of his Bratva upbringing, no doubt, the dominance rolls off him in waves. It’s amusing to watch Doc bend to the man.
“Kail, you’re going to worry yourself sick,” Papa comments lightly.
