Page 85 of Misfit Monsters
I’m about to yank myself away even knowing it’ll confuse her more when she pulls back instead. Her eyes widen.
Her voice comes out even softer. “Why does it bother you that you like being close to me? I wouldn’texpectanything from you or?—”
Shit. The cat’s out of the bag now.
I interrupt before she can spiral into anxiety. “Like I said, it isn’t your fault, Peri. It’s just not… appropriate, when I’m your teacher and evaluating your performance on the mission. We can’t control our feelings, but we control how we act on them. And I can’t act on those feelings at all.”
I’m afraid she might not understand the subtleties of those dynamics, but a ruddy orange sheen ripples over her hair as a blush crosses her cheeks. “Oh. Oh, I didn’t even think about— I wasn’t trying to be pushy.”
“I know.” I manage a small smile that’s genuine enough. “It’s all right. I’m just being careful to make sureIdon’t do anything that wouldn’t be fair. You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll leave you to the map.”
I duck out of the room without looking back, hoping my explanation will satisfy her… and regretting how much I’ve inadvertently revealed.
32
Periwinkle
“Peri!” Fen catches me in the dorm common room while everyone’s heading out for breakfast. My friend exudes happiness like a shower of gumdrops.
I have to grin back at her. “Did you get good news?”
“Not exactly. Last night, I met a new being who just arrived at the academy. She’s a selkie, so she knows all about watery powers. And she’s really nice. She gave me some tips on keeping mine held in. I think it might be enough for me to finally get the hang of it! You’ll like her too. She’s in one of the other dorms, but we can sit with her in the cafeteria.”
I keep smiling through Fen’s deluge of excitement, but my stomach tightens. She made a new friend twelve hours ago, and they might already have solved her biggest problem?
She’s never been this overjoyed any time we’ve spent together.
Why should she have been? I gave her company and encouragement, but it isn’t as if I ever reallyhelpedher, is it?
I brightened her day a little, stopped her from feeling lonely, but my presence hasn’t had any more impact than one of those flickering glows that passes over my hair and disappears.
“That’s great!” I tell Fen, and I mean it. If she can stop herself from accidentally conjuring water in awkward situations, the other students won’t have any reason to make fun of her. She won’t be at risk of exposing her powers to humans.
She’ll be able to move through the levels at the school, visit the voluntary student building, make lots more friends…
She’s been nothing but kind to me since I arrived here. Of course she deserves to find her footing and her place in the world.
It isn’t her fault that alongside my happiness for her, I’m deflating like an undercooked souffle.
Fen rubs her hands together eagerly. “She used to live in the sea. I’ve never been to one of those. Have you seen an ocean before?”
I have vague memories of a big expanse of water almost the same color as my hair, from long before I knew about sorcerers and cages. “I think so. One of the first times I came to the mortal realm.”
In my distraction, I bump against one of our fellow students in the hall. Or maybe she bumps into me, but because it’s Vim, our classmate who’s always posturing like a pro wrestler, she looks peeved anyway.
She rolls her eyes at me and grimaces. “Can’t even walk straight, and you think you have so much amazing advice for the rest of us.”
As Vim strides off, Fen knocks her elbow playfullyagainst mine. “She just wishes she had as good a friend as you. How soon do you have to leave again? Brine is starting at level two, but she might be in one of our classes this afternoon anyway.”
Her compliment combined with the reminder of her much better friend twist up my gut into a heavy if petty lump. I suddenly can’t imagine forcing any food down my throat.
The words tumble out before I have a chance to think better of them. “Actually, I can’t even come to breakfast. We’re supposed to leave early this morning—I need to finish preparing.”
Fen frowns, but my excuse only dampens her joy a little. “That’s too bad. Well, you can meet Brine the next time you’re back. How much longer do you think Rollick is going to keep you on this special assignment before he decides you’re safe to go back to regular classes?”
“I don’t know. Hopefully we’ll be done soon.” Although what Rollick is going to decide based on how much—or little—I’ve contributed, I have no idea.
Does being the team cheerleader count for something?
