Page 67 of Misfit Monsters
The far wall stretches up two storeys to the building’shigh ceiling. When I glance over, Jonah has already paused where he’s clinging to handholds two thirds of the way up.
What Shanty told me is a rock-climbing wall looks like a kindergartener’s version of stone. Brightly colored holds jut out in a variety of creative shapes.
I’m not sure why anyone practices climbing rocks in a big artificial box when there are actual mountains in sight, but I guess it saves a couple of hours’ driving.
And I’m glad Jonah isn’t a couple of hours from the school right now.
“Peri,” he calls as I walk to the padded mats at the base of the climbing wall. “I thought I was going to see you in an hour. Is something wrong?”
Before I can answer, he’s already clambering down. He took off his shirt for the climb, and a sheen of sweat gleams off his warm brown skin. His muscles flex with his movements.
A flicker of heat passes through me. How would his skin taste if I licked him?
A question I probably shouldn’t ask out loud.
When he’s close enough to the ground that I don’t have to yell, I clasp my hands together in front of me. “Shanty said you’d be out here. I wanted to see you before the group meeting—to talk to you about something privately. I’m sorry I interrupted.”
“It’s all right.” Jonah’s feet hit the ground. He reaches for a small towel to blot the perspiration on his face and chest. I don’t sense any emotion from him other than a faint flicker of self-consciousness.
Doesn’t he know how delicious he is to look at?
In any case, he honestly doesn’t seem upset. He peers at me from beneath the black waves of his hair, concern turning his eyes even darker. “What did you want to talk about?”
A flare of my own self-consciousness washes over me. I look down at my hands.
“I thought you might be the best person to ask since you’ve had a lot of experience with mortal beingsandshadowkind… and you’ve always been nice to me, so you won’t laugh… Why is anyone mean to anyone else? I’ve seen it from humans and from shadowkind. It doesn’t make sense. They don’t even usually feel good while they’re doing it, not the way real happiness tastes.”
Jonah blinks at me, looking lost. Maybe it’s too big a question for anyone.
But hedoesn’tlaugh, and I think the other administrators might have. Hail and Mirage definitely would—though with Mirage, not in a malicious way. Raze might think I was criticizing him. Fen wouldn’t have any answers.
So the strangely considerate sorcerer is my only chance at figuring it out. The uncertainty has been gnawing at me since Gloss’s insults yesterday.
Jonah delays his response by turning to put on his shirt, which is a shame, because it covers my view of his sculpted torso. His chest is still very nice to look at with the fabric overtop, but not quite as vividly so.
I decide it’s better not to mention those thoughts to him either.
When he faces me again, his mouth has gone crooked. “That’s a tough one, Peri. I don’t know how much thought shadowkind usually give that subject, but human beings have been grappling with it for hundreds—probably thousands—of years.”
I grimace. “So, no one knows?”
Jonah shrugs. “I don’t think youcanknow exactly, because everyone has different reasons. But in my experience, cruelty is mostly about feeling in control. Some people don’t know how to feel the better kinds of happiness, but they canfigure out how to make someone else feel worse. So they settle for a smaller satisfaction, knowing that at least they’re not the worst off around.”
“Oh.” I know from the soft tingle of my hair that it’s shimmering my sadness at the idea. “That’s awful. For everyone.”
A hint of a smile touches Jonah’s lips. “You just want everyone to be as happy as possible, don’t you?”
I spread my arms. “Why wouldn’t I? If everyone lived that way, maybe no one would be so sour they want to smear their unpleasant feelings all over everyone else.”
“Life is pretty complicated. For mortals, because of all the pressures and responsibilities that go into navigating our society. For shadowkind, because you weren’t made to be part of this world and your instincts often clash with what’s acceptable here. Sometimes things just can’t help but be tangled up.”
I study him, focusing on his face now. “It’s been tangled for you, hasn’t it? Because you’ve lived around shadowkind so much, but youarehuman. How did you start feeling like you fit in at the school? Or with the shadowkind who raised you?”
Jonah’s smile fades. “To be totally honest, I can’t say I feel like I fit in evennow. It’s a tricky balance, leading classes and using my sorcery to rein in the shadowkind who need it without being seen as an enemy.”
A twinge of guilt ripples through my gut with the knowledge that I saw him that way at first. “Then how do you stay happy?”
“Well, I do have a few beings on staff I know understand me, and students here and there who appreciate what I’m doing. And I take a lot of strength from the good memories from my past.”
