Page 31 of Misfit Monsters
Doesn’tanyonecare that he was wounded?
11
Periwinkle
Shanty sighs and leans back in her chair. She’s keeping her expression neutral, but frustration emanates from her like cheddar sharp enough to bite.
“We won’t get your powers under control if you can’t bring them out to practice,” she points out, reasonably enough.
I offer an apologetic smile and look around the small room the siren brought me to for our second one-on-one session. There’s nothing between the beige walls except a few chairs and a narrow desk.
Apparently the walls contain shielding against shadowkind power—if I have an outburst, it shouldn’t blast the rest of the school. I don’t need to be worried.
But even thinking about provoking the kinds of emotions that’ve made me blaze with light or darkness in the past makes my body tense up.
I have so many awful associations with those moments. So many echoes of the pain I’ve caused.
“I’ll keep trying my best,” I say. “I’ve never made one of those blazes on purpose before, or even purposefully made my hair glow. But I’m sure there’s a way!”
My optimistic remark only sets off another prickle of irritation, but Shanty doesn’t show it on her face.
She points me toward the mirror hanging on one of the side walls. “Let’s focus on the glow. Take yourself back to the classroom when you saw the hunter’s net. Watch yourself for any visible reaction, and if you start to see one, focus on whatever sparked it until you’ve got a steady glow going.”
I nod and push to my feet. My reflection stares back at me, uncertain but determined. My hair is its typical vibrant but not luminous turquoise.
Watching the blue-green strands for any trace of a glow, I picture the shiny net that Gnash displayed to our class. I dredge up the taunting comments my classmates made, the stings of pain that lingered in my feet.
Something deep inside me balks. I force myself to imagine the silver-and-iron strands smacking around me, burning my skin and pinning my limbs?—
A faint flicker travels over my head: a yellowish glimmer of fear. My pulse thumps with a jolt of triumph.
And my pleased response to my success squashes any terror I managed to tap into. The glow blinks away as if it was never there.
When I glance over at Shanty, I can’t tell if she even noticed it. She’s still studying me with a slight frown, twisting a strand of her dark blue hair around her finger.
I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I really am trying. It doesn’t seem to work well with only memories, but we’ll figure out something.”
The siren hums to herself. “Our time is almost up. Wecan try incorporating some stimuli for you to respond to in the moment next time. Maybe videos of frightening things, or I can find ways of startling you. Is there anything you find particularly disturbing that I could include?”
It seems like a bad sign that my tutor is setting out to particularly disturb me. I guess it’s easier to unsettle someone than delight them.
My mind trips back to the sitcom theme song that pushed me over the edge the other day, and my innards clench up.
No. That would be too much, too dangerous… and also too bizarre. How could I explain why it bothers me without getting into my whole horrible history?
If the school administrators knew what I did and how much harm I caused before, they’d banish me for sure.
I shrug. “Just the usual things? Scary creatures, people getting hurt…”
The one who caged me before used to hurtmeto shock those emotions out of me… I don’t want to recreate that kind of scenario either.
Shanty nods. “I’ll give it some thought, and we’ll see if we can make more progress tomorrow.”
So much to look forward to. But if being distressed means I learn better control in the end, disturb me away!
I keep that hopeful thought in mind as I open the door, only for my heart to skip a beat. Jonah is standing in the hall outside.
My startled reaction must show on my face, because the sorcerer steps back with a bashful dip of his head. “Sorry. I just wondered how your sessions with Shanty have been going—I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.”
