Page 489 of Shadowblood Souls
I don’t get any sense that the other guys believe the association means all that much either.
But we aren’t the ones having to process the revelation. I can pick up on her emotions, but I can’t really understand the full extent of what she’s going through.
I sure as hell can’t judge her for faltering. The guardians reshaped my mind from the outside to the point that I became a willing participant in their plans. She’s just found out that the enemy has been inside her, woven into the most basic essence of her existence, from before she was born.
We don’t really know for sure how her heritage might have affected her all along, who she might have been if Engel had used whatever genetic material our creator originally meant to.
The thing is, I have no doubt that who Riva has been is exactly the woman we’ve needed regardless.
How can we get her to recognize that? Each of us has tried talking to her here and there since she confessed to us yesterday, but nothing we’ve said has budged the horror all knotted up inside her.
It doesn’t matter how much we trust her if she can’t trust what’s going on in her own mind.
With that thought passing through my head, a glimmer of inspiration sparks. I mull it over as Dominic and I move to take care of the dishes.
Yes, the approach that just occurred to me could give her the perspective she needs to boost her out of the pit she’s fallen into. At the very least, I can’t see any way it would hurt her.
I’ve got to try something. She dragged me out of my own dark cave, which I’d been lost in far longer than she has.
If I can’t help her regain her balance, what the hell am I even here for?
When the dishes are clean, I slip out into the hall. Jacob’s gaze follows me when I pass him, but I don’t say anything to my brother or the other guys.
This is something only I can do. They love Riva, so much the feeling thrums around me from their rising in the morning to the moment they fall asleep—maybe more than I’ll ever be capable of with my battered nerves. But I don’t want any other factors distracting from what I’m hoping to offer her.
I follow my sense of Riva’s emotional presence to the room with the cards table and the bookshelves. She’s standing by the shelves, looking at the books’ spines as if she’s not really seeing them. Her fingers are curled into the sleeves of her hoodie.
“Hey,” I say, keeping my voice soft, but she still startles before she turns to face me.
With any of the others, she’d have already known they were coming in. She’s connected to them way beyond anything she shares with Balthazar.
She pushes her mouth into a smile, but I can tell it’s forced. “Looking for more reading material?”
“Looking for you.” I go over to her and wrap my arms around her slim frame.
I can’t help noticing that she doesn’t let herself lean into me the way she used to. As if she’s worried she’ll somehow contaminate me if we’re in too close contact.
My throat constricts. That’s not how I want her to be feeling at all. If she can’t even let us support her?—
I open my mouth to tell her what I want to do, and it occurs to me that there’s another, much more uncomfortable distraction we have to worry about. The silver manacles grip both our wrists, probably projecting every word we say to Balthazar’s ears or those of his employees.
He doesn’t deserve a part in this conversation. And the last thing I need is Riva wondering what he’s thinking about it rather than focusing on what I’m trying to convey.
Well, we found a simple enough if slightly odd solution to that problem before.
I nuzzle her hair. “I know it’s chilly outside, but would you join me for a swim?”
Riva glances up at me with a question in her eyes. I’d imagine she can guess I’m not asking just so we can get a little exercise. She’ll remember why we headed to the pool the last time.
For a few anxious thumps of my heart, I’m afraid she’ll refuse. I have to admit I’m not sure what I’ll do then.
Instead she nods, if not with all that much enthusiasm. “Sure. It might be nice to change things up a bit.”
We stop at one of the bathrooms to grab a couple of towels and walk straight out to the patio that holds the pool. Balthazar didn’t supply us with bathing suits along with the other clothes we’ve found in our bedrooms, but we made do with what we do have just fine before.
Itischilly, the breeze nipping at my face with hints of the coming winter. I restrain a shiver and strip down to my boxers as fast as humanly possible.
Riva moves even faster, jumping into the heated water in her bra and panties while I’m still yanking at my socks. I scramble in after her with a sigh of relief as the warmth washes away the chill.
