Page 486 of Shadowblood Souls
He infiltrated our group of six from my first moment of conception, well before I was even born. He’s been present for every moment of our friendship and the very first glimmers of love.
And there’s nothing I can do to cut him out of me, out of us, not completely. Not any more than I can erase the brutal monstrous power I’ve never wanted.
I turn toward the guys. They watch me, waiting, standing in a close semi-circle.
I can tell from the sway in their stances that they’d all like to draw in around me and wrap me up in love and reassurance, but they must be able to tell from my own tensed posture that I can’t tolerate any attempt at comfort right now.
Not when they don’t even know what they’d be reassuring me about.
Jacob motions to me with a twitch of his chin, his jaw clenched. “What’s going on, Wildcat?”
The blaze in his bright blue eyes says,Let me at whatever’s bothering you so I can pulverize it.
But he can’t. Not with this.
I open my mouth and then close it again to swallow through the tightness of my throat. For a little while, as I forced myself to put together an early breakfast and then drifted through the villa while the guys ate theirs, I entertained the thought that maybe I didn’t have to tell them.
Maybe it would be better for them if I didn’t, if they never had to wrap their heads around the revelation like I’ve needed to. Maybe it wouldn’t even be safe to try, when no matter what steps I try to take to conceal the conversation, our captor will realize I’m telling them.
Those are just excuses to protect myself from the fallout, though.
Balthazar has to know that I’ll reveal this secret. He wouldn’t have told me anything he wasn’t perfectly fine getting passed on to the guys one way or another. He never even warned menotto tell them.
He might like the idea of their reactions to me shifting with the new knowledge. I’m not sure what exactly he was trying to accomplish by provoking Jacob a couple of days ago, but he definitely wasn’t looking to encourage group harmony.
And hiding things from each other has never helped us in the long run. I’m not a great actor—the guys will be able to tell something’s off. Ican’thide my emotions from Griffin.
No, keeping this to myself and leaving them to worry and wonder will cause more tensions than spilling the beans.
I just wish I knew how we’ll pick up the pieces after I shatter their idea of who I am. I still haven’t figured how to put my own sense of self back together.
I wet my lips and tuck my arms around my chest in an anxious embrace. “Balthazar called me to the drawing room to talk to me this morning.”
Zian frowns. “He has a job he wants you to do alone?”
“No. Not exactly.”
A hysterical bubble of laughter forms behind my clavicle. In some ways it’s both not a job at all and the most immense possible job our captor could ever have laid on my shoulders.
I give myself a squeeze and yank my focus back to the conversation. “We already realized that he’s part of the foundingfamilies. The third one—I guess it was Engel and the Clancys and the Balthazars.”
He had said that his parents—mygrandparents—fought the shadowkind too.
Andreas nods. His mind goes to the same place mine first did. “Is he still working with the guardians after all?”
I shake my head. “Nothing like that. He thinks they’re useless, ineffective. He still wants the same things, but he figures he can only eliminate the shadowkind by taking bigger steps, stuff they’d never have agreed to.”
Dominic frowns. “All of the things he’s had us doing, it’s somehow working toward destroying shadowkind beings?”
“Yeah. In a roundabout but incredibly ambitious way.” A little of that laugh escapes me, dry and raw. “He figures he’s going to take control of the whole world, or the important parts anyway, and force all kinds of countries into going to war with the ‘monsters.’”
Jacob lets out a sound that’s both scoff and curse. “He’s even crazier than we thought.”
Griffin has kept quiet until now, observing me. He takes an even gentler tone than usual. “That isn’t what you’re really upset about, though.”
“No.” My gaze drops to the ground. To my frustration, tears burn behind my eyes, threatening to spill over.
“We know that we’re part human as well as part shadowkind,” I force myself to say. “Obviously the human parts came from somewhere. Well, Balthazar says that for me, he swapped out whatever genetic material Engel was going to use for his and his wife’s. They wanted another kid, and they couldn’t get one otherwise. I’m his daughter.”
