Page 358 of Shadowblood Souls
I feel Griffin bracing himself in the shift of his stance. Another whiff of anxiety reaches my nose.
His jaw works, and then he glances around at each of us with obvious effort. “It’s because I couldn’t control my emotions that they caught us. The first time. I gave away that we were going to try to escape.”
Andreas’s forehead furrows. “What do you mean?”
A rasp creeps into Griffin’s voice. “They showed me the surveillance video when they told me. The afternoon before we were going to break out—right before we went back to our cells.I must have been thinking about getting free, and just for a moment I smiled at all of you. So bright they couldn’t miss it.”
I shake my head. “One moment couldn’t have given everything away.”
Griffin hangs his head. “They said they already suspected we were planning something. I guess it would have been hard to completely hide the conversations we were having, no matter how careful we were being. But they didn’t think we were ready to make a move until they saw that. I guess I normally looked sad when it was time for us to leave.”
His free hand clenches, and then he raises his chin. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I can’t even—I can’t evenfeelhow sorry I know I am, but I ruined everything, and none of this would ever have gone so wrong if my emotions hadn’t been so noticeable, and?—”
My chest hitches with a sob I can’t totally suppress, and I yank Griffin into a full embrace. He bows his head next to mine, his jaw coming to rest against my cheek.
“They were probably lying,” I insist, my voice shaking with vehemence. “They couldn’t have been that sure just because yousmiled. And even if it was that, it wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t help being happy.”
“They made it so I wouldn’t be any more. I couldn’t be happy or sad or angry or anything.”
“And that isn’t better. That isn’tyou. If we couldn’t have escaped without you being broken, then it wasn’t the right time to escape. You weren’t the problem.”
Andreas clears his throat, sounding pretty choked up himself. “In case it isn’t clear, we all agree on that point. I’d never have blamed you, Griffin.”
Zian’s foot scuffs against the uneven ground. “I’m sorry for coming down so hard on you. I didn’t realize?—”
“It’s okay.” Griffin pulls a few inches back from me, his hands coming to rest on my forearms. “I wasn’t sure how much I should talk about it—if you’re going to accept what I did, it should be because I’ve made up for itnow, not because you feel bad about what happened to me before.”
Jacob’s eyes still blaze with fury, but I don’t think that rage is directed at his brother anymore. “Can we fix it?” He glances at Dom. “Can you heal whatever they fucked up inside him?”
Dominic extends a cautious tentacle to rest on Griffin’s elbow and pauses. “I can’t pick up on any physical damage. It’s not like a typical injury.”
I turn my hands to grip Griffin’s arms like he’s holding mine. “You said that you’re starting to feel things again.”
He nods, gazing down at me. “The more I’m close to you, the more things are reemerging. It’s—it’s a little unsettling after all this time, and I’m still figuring out how to sort through all the sensations, but I think it’s better than staying numb.”
It makes sense that it took the draw between our shadowy essences to get through to him. I’ve never experienced anything like the urgent clamor in my blood except when I’m physically close with these five men.
The guardians could never have provoked that one feeling in him to torment it out of him.
Imagining the torture they inflicted on him makes my stomach plummet. “The feelings that are coming back—are they triggering the pain the guardians put you through?”
It’s got to all be tangled up in a big mess inside him.
Griffin manages to give me a smile that’s only slightly strained. “That’s part of what I’m sorting through. But I have to deal with it before it can get better. You’ve been helping a lot. Don’t feel bad about it. I want everything you’re willing to offer.”
He sounds so sure that I only hesitate for a second before giving in to the urge that sweeps through me at his words. Bobbing up on my toes, I press my mouth to his.
As he kisses me back, one of his hands rises to the back of my neck. The stroke of his fingers over my skin stirs up all kinds of hungry emotions inside me, not that this is a good time for indulging in them.
When we ease apart, I don’t see a trace of disapproval in any of the other guys’ expressions.
Jacob wavers on his feet and then steps toward his brother. As Griffin turns to meet him, Jake yanks him into a hug of his own.
“I should have been there,” he mutters. “I’d have done everything I could to stop them.”
Griffin hugs him back hard. “I know you would have. I can feel how angry you are on my behalf. I haven’t blamed you for being angry with me at first, Jake. I deserved it.”
“They fucking deserved it.”
