Page 271 of Shadowblood Souls
Right where the bullet hit him in my memory of that night.
“She’s confused,” Griffin says to Clancy in the same empty voice. Whatever they’ve done to him, apparently he can still read my emotions. “And scared. I think we should let her talk properly so she can ask whatever questions she’s got. I don’t get any sense that she’s preparing to attack.”
Clancy pauses and then nods again, this time toward me, though he’s still speaking to Griffin. “You can loosen the clamp.”
I guess he trusts Griffin to give an accurate assessment. How mixed up is Griffin with the “Guardianship,” if that’s what this bunch is calling their organization?
If he even really is Griffin. Who knows what else the guardians could be capable of that we don’t know?
He steps toward me and fiddles with something by the side of my neck. His presence, so close to me but not quite touching my skin, sends a jitter through my nerves.
The shadows in my blood wake up and tug at me. An itch to reach out to him races through my arm to my hand, not that I can move it even if I wanted to.
Some part of me, below the level of conscious thought, believes it’s really him.
But I’m not totally sure I can trust even that impulse. So when the pressure at my throat eases and I can swallow again, I aim my full attention at the man claiming to be Griffin, who’s stepping back again with his infuriatingly vacant expression.
My voice comes out hoarse but unimpeded. “Tell me something only Griffin could know.”
Griffin pauses, his gaze shifting but becoming distant in a more focused way as if he’s giving the matter serious thought. When he brings his attention back to me, his eyes look a little more alert than before.
“A few months before the escape attempt, one of the guardians distracted Jacob during a training exercise, and he started mouthing off at the guy, swearing and stuff. You snapped at him afterward and told him off, but you weren’t really angry, even though you were acting like it. You were scared. Probably that it’d mess up the plans we’d been making somehow.”
My arm muscles clench with the urge to hug myself. I remember that moment in the training room—the frustration seeping from my mouth while my gut was knotted up with an edge of panic.
“When we left to go back to our rooms,” Griffin goes on, “I found a chance to give your hand a quick squeeze when the guardians wouldn’t see. I wanted to reassure you.”
I remember that too. A pang of loss echoes through my chest even though the man I thought I’d lost is standing right here in front of me.
Only Griffin would know those things. It really is him.
But it couldn’t be stranger to hear him talk about reassuring me in a voice that offers no tenderness at all, only flat facts.
Then again, maybe I’m feeling enough for both of us right now.
The pang swells into a wave of grief and guilt, sending a burn of tears into the back of my eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know—I thought I saw youdie. If we’d had any idea you were alive?—”
“It’s okay,” Griffin says, perfectly matter of fact. “There was no way you could have known.”
Like he doesn’t care. Like he wasn’t ripped away from us for those four years just like I was from the other guys.
I don’t understand.
What have they done to the boy I knew? The boy Iloved?
I blink hard, pushing back the tears I can’t move my hands to swipe away, and another question surges up from inside.
“Why were you at the facility when we— Why did you help them capture us?”
Griffin dips his head as if he’s trying to indicate that he recognizes my turmoil without actually showing any regret himself.
“I’ve seen some of the things you did after you got out. And to get out. All of you. It became obvious that… it wasn’t for the best for you to be out there in the world as you are. You were hurting too many people.”
I flinch at his last words as if he’s punched me in the stomach. In that moment, it’s like the clamp is strangling me again. I can’t find my words.
Wewere hurting too many people?
But even as he says that, images flash behind my eyes.
