Page 253 of Shadowblood Souls
I didn’t think I was going to see Pearl again. I didn’t think she’d want to see me.
I haven’t prepared for this conversation, but it’s one I know I need to have at least as much as whatever’s coming with our host.
Food ends up on my plate somewhat by random rather than any conscious selection process, because my mind is too busy spinning around what I’m going to say to focus on my options. Pearl grabs herself another croissant and plops into a chair at an otherwise empty table.
I’m not totally sure she wants me to follow, but a day hiding from my screw-ups is long enough.
I carry my plate over and sit down across from her. “I didn’t realize you’d come back.”
She shrugs in her artfully careless way and takes a bite of her croissant. “I like working with Rollick. And you all have been very interesting.”
Interesting isn’t the word I’d have thought she’d use. I hesitate, poking my fork into a sausage. “Is Billy healing okay?”
“Oh, yeah, as soon as we got into the shadow realm, everything started binding itself together just fine. It’s a pretty dreary place, but it’s easier to relax when you’re surrounded by the same stuff you’re made of.”
The reassurance only eases a little of the tension inside me. I force myself to dig into my breakfast, thinking she might bring up any grievances she has, but Pearl chews merrily away, apparently content in my silence.
“I don’t know if he’s going to want to see me again,” I say finally, “so the next time you visit him, if you could tell him how sorry I am. I never meant—I wouldn’t have done it if I’d been totally in control.”
Pearl snorts. “I didn’t think you would have.”
I peer at her, still struggling to gauge her reaction. “Aren’tyouupset at me? He’s your friend, and I— It could have been you.”
The succubus hesitates, turning the last bit of croissant between her fingers. She glances at me.
“You think I don’t know how powers can get a grip on you when you haven’t had much practice using them?”
I stare at her. “I—I have no idea.” I’d kind of gotten the impression that shadowkind came into being simply knowing what they could do and how to wield those talents effectively.
Pearl’s gaze slides away from me again. “In one of my early feeds, I had my hand down the guy’s pants before I realized that he was terrified under the lust I’d stirred up. He didn’t want it at all. We cubi can get glimpses inside people’s heads, you know. To make sure they’re a good target. The more they’re into it, the better it is. But I wasreallyhungry, and he was curious at first, and I… just kind of tuned out the bad signs until I’d practically…”
Her mouth tightens, and my chest constricts in sympathy. I can imagine how that kind of realization feels all too vividly.
Pearl shakes herself and manages to brighten as she yanks her gaze back to me. “So I’d be an awful hypocrite if I got mad at you for not having perfect control over your scream-y power.”
Even so, I feel the need to make one thing clear. “I’m going to do some training with Rollick, like he’s been pushing for. I want to get as much control as I can.”
“I’m sure he’ll beveryhappy about that. He does like to get his way.”
Pearl pops the last piece of croissant into her mouth and lets out a pleased hum. Watching her, it’s hard to reconcile the bubbly young woman she looks like so often with the pained regret she expressed just moments ago.
After she swallows, she wags a finger at me. “It’s everyone, really. I don’t know why, because I’ve never talked to another cubi who has this—although I guess I haven’t met a whole lot of them yet—but after I hook up with a mortal to feed, they always start spilling some deep dark secret they feel awful about. Maybe they can tell I’m not going to blab to anyone they know, so it’s a safe way to unload.”
I grimace. “That sounds… unpleasant.”
“Yeah, it kind of kills the mood. I haven’t figured out how to stop it happening. But hearing all those confessions has made it very clear that everybody’s done bad things. I figurewhat matters is whether they care enough to try to do better afterward.”
She sounds so genuine that more of the guilt congealed inside me disintegrates. I still want to apologize directly to Billy if he’s willing to give me the chance, but maybe I don’t have to feel like a total monster.
Or at least not more of one than the actual monsters.
As if summoned by that thought, Rollick saunters into the dining room and sweeps his gaze over all of us with an imperious air. “Are you semi-mortals fueled up yet? We’ve got decisions to make.”
I gulp down the rest of my breakfast at lightning speed and dart over to join my guys. Rollick stays standing, leaning his hands against the back of an empty chair as he considers us.
“I’m sorry about the mess in Havana,” I say right off the bat, even though technically the messy parts were mostly Jacob’s fault. But he was acting to protect me. “And, um, pissing off most of your crew.”
Rollick makes a dismissive sound. “Over the centuries, I’ve come to terms with the fact that most of my kind are very narrow-minded.”
