Page 236 of Shadowblood Souls
Jacob is already shaking his head. He meets my gaze again.
“The guardians figured out what we were up to somehow. I don’t see how it’d have happened any differently no matter what you did out there. At least he got that little bit of happiness before they murdered him.”
I can’t sense any trace of rancor in his words. I think he means that too.
But I can’t help prodding a little farther. “You believed it was my fault for a long time.”
“I—” He exhales harshly. “Maybe it was like Andreas said. Maybe it was easier hating a you that was alive somewhere than believing you were dead and having to mourn you too. I hated and hated until it was all I could do. I didn’t know how to turn it off until I hurt youthatbadly that it jolted me out?—”
Jacob cuts himself off with a growl that seems directed entirely at himself. He pushes himself onto his feet but stays crouched enough that we’re on the same level, and lifts his hand to touch my cheek.
“I’m glad you got to have that moment with Griffin before everything went to hell. I know—I knowyouwould rather they’d taken me out than him—I know he was always?—”
“Jake,” I interrupt with a burst of emotion that cuts off the rest of my words for a moment. My heart feels like it’s breaking now.
I rest my free hand over his against my face and repeat the words I know Andreas already told him. But Jacob wasn’t in a place where he could hear them then, was he?
Maybe he can now.
“I loved all of you,” I say quietly. “Nobody more than anybody else. You were all different but not more or less. I lovedyou. The way you’d spot answers to problems so quickly. The way you could cut through any worries or confusion we got caught up in.”
Jacob lets out a sputter of a laugh, but I keep going.
“You could always get us focused and on track, right there with you. It was the best feeling when we’d make it through a training exercise together, and you’d smile at all of us like we’d already defeated the guardians… If I started feeling out of sorts, I could always hang out with you, and you’d have some new challenge we could tackle together…”
His head droops, his hand falling though he’s caught my fingers in his. “I don’t even know where the track is anymore. I’m the one all out of sorts.”
The corner of my mouth ticks upward with a bittersweet smile. “I can’t think of anyone else who’d set out on a crusade to kill all the monster-hunters in town before they could find us again.”
His gaze jerks back up with a flare of the passionate determination I loved so much too. “Anyone who comes at you has just signed their death sentence. Maybe I can’t promise much, Wildcat, but I can guarantee you that.”
After this morning’s bloody present, there’s no way I can doubt his declaration.
“Just don’t think you’re ever handling them on your own,” I retort.
Jacob’s mouth twists, but he doesn’t argue.
A breeze drifts past the thin curtain. Its cool taint reminds me of the sticky dampness beneath my other hand where it’s still pressed to Jacob’s forearm.
“Let me bandage your cut? If you’re going to insist that Dominic doesn’t take care of it right away.”
Jacob’s expression pulls into an outright grimace. “It’ll heal fast enough on its own. He shouldn’t have to extend himself any more than he already has.” He lays his arm down on the blanket. “Go ahead. Thank you.”
He replaces my hand with his as I reach for my backpack to find the first aid gear I stashed there for my own past injury. I can’t help thinking that his concern for Dominic sounds a lot like being a damn good friend.
He’s cared all along, even if his grief overwhelmed his awareness of it.
I brush an antiseptic wipe over the cut before wrapping a wad of gauze in place with a longer strip of the stuff. As Jacob flexes his arm to check the tightness, I lean back on the bed and wipe my blood-streaked fingers on the sheet.
We really owe a major apology to whoever we stole this boat from. Maybe leaving a nice wad of cash as a thank you will balance the scales?
I’m struggling to decide what to say next when a series of thumps emanate from above, forceful enough to set the boat bobbing in the water.
My pulse stuttering all over again, I jump to my feet.
Zian’s voice bellows down from the deck. “Guys! It’s those asshole shadowkind.”
Twenty-Eight
