Page 219 of Shadowblood Souls
I study the crab again. Nausea unfurls through my stomach.
A tremor of a deadly shriek tingles through my chest, but it wants to smack into Rollick, not the little beast in front of me. Show him what he’s asking me to inflict.
But I don’t. It isn’t even difficult for me to resist the twinge of fury.
I hate the sadistic presence lodged inside me. Jacob and Zian can hone their brutal skills with inanimate objects that can’t feel anything. Dominic can at least practice with plants.
And Andreas doesn’t do anything that would physically hurt someone in the first place.
It’s only me whose powerdemandsagony to operate. Why did I end up like this?
But if Rollick decides we’re not meeting him halfway, it won’t be just me but all of my men who’ll be kicked to the curb. I grit my teeth and prod at the viciousness inside me.
What kind of nerves does a crab have? What will I need to crack and sever?
The monster inside me will know. As soon as my scream ripples over its body…
I part my lips, but my throat constricts. The only sound I propel out is a choked grunt.
Frowning, I inhale deeply and try again.
The cruel shriek stays locked in my chest. The thin squeak I force out does nothing at all.
“I’m trying,” I say, bracing myself for Rollick’s anger.
He only studies me in his usual implacable way that always makes me feel like he’s seeing way more than I’d prefer.
“But you don’t want to try, and you don’t have the proper motivation. You’re working against your purpose.”
With another sigh, he straightens up. “As much as I’d like to get on with this, I don’t think enraging you is a great way to begin a regimen of self-control. I have some things to take care of on land this afternoon. See if you can’t meditate on the issue and come to accept the act as necessary so you’ll get out of your own way.”
He doesn’t say what’ll happen if Ican’tmanage to get out of my way, but his prior comment about necessary conditions is warning enough.
I swallow thickly and follow him down the steps to the main deck. The harbor of a city I can’t recognize from the skyline is coming into view up ahead across the dark water, glossy high rises interspersed with older-looking structures in pale pastels.
“Where are we?” I ask. “And how long are we going to be here?”
“Havana. And how long depends on how quickly I can conclude my business. But I’d imagine you’re decently safe with a good chunk of ocean as well as national borders between you and our foes.”
Havana, Cuba. I’ve never left the United States before other than our brief foray into Canada.
But his reply relaxes me. I’m not sure how the guardians could figure out we’ve come here even if the younger shadowbloods are tracking us from back in the US.
They’d need to get in their own boats to narrow down our location across the ocean. Rollick’s people would see them coming from miles away.
I think I’m starting to warm up to sea travel.
“Stay on the yacht,” Rollick tells me as we reach the lower deck. “You should all do some meditating on deflecting your fellow shadowbloods too. You’ve got all those shadows in you—they ought to be able to work with you a little if you can focus them enough.”
I nod. “We can do that. I’ll get the guys together.”
I’ll even work with Jacob if it means we come up with better protection against the guardians.
But after the yacht docks, I linger for a few minutes by the railing, watching the activity in the harbor and the cars cruising by on the streets beyond. Whiffs of brine and gasoline reach my nose.
A strange pang forms in my chest, like I’m homesick for a place I’ve never been before.
Even though I have no marked connection to him, I recognize the solid footsteps that tread across the deck toward me as Zian’s. He comes to a stop by the railing a couple of feet away from me and hesitates.
