Page 208 of Shadowblood Souls
Andreas’s expression twitches with what might have been a restrained wince. But his mouth forms a crooked smile.
“That’s not what I came over for. I didn’t just set this up so you could have a soap-opera party. I figured you deserve a soap-opera showdown too.”
Twenty-Two
Riva
Iblink at Andreas, totally confused. A soap-opera showdown?
“What are you talking about?”
Andreas gazes steadily back at me, his dark gray eyes stealing my breath. “The characters were always confronting each other and letting out their grievances. A lot of times in places like this.”
The corner of his mouth ticks a little higher. “I’m sure there are tons of things you could say to me that you’ve held back because… because that’s who you are. But you can let them out. You can tell me just how pissed off you are with me. Yell at me. Slap me. Knee me in the balls. I deserve all of it. Lay in to me. It’s the best moment I could give you to say your piece.”
I know exactly the kind of moments he’s talking about. I’ve seen them play out on the TV screen so many times.
Back then, I never dreamed that I’d be in a position where I’d have a similar tirade I could aim at one of my guys.
My gaze flits to the other three men standing around the edges of the room. They’re all following our conversation but without any sign of considering intervening.
Andreas clears his throat. “They should hear this too. I’m not going to hide how badly I screwed up.”
He sinks down onto his knees in front of me, so that I’m looking down at him rather than the reverse. My throat constricts.
There is so much pain and anger still churning inside me. The sense of betrayal aches like a wound that’s never properly healed.
Maybe I do need this.
“You lied to me,” I say in a rasp, trying out the accusation.
Andreas nods. “I did, and I shouldn’t have.”
He doesn’t let his gaze waver from mine. Tears prickle behind my eyes.
My voice rises. “You pretended that you cared about me. You made me believe that I could trust you. And the whole time you were waiting for me to give away some awful secret for you to report back to the other guys.”
My hands clench. I don’t want to hit him, not even in anger.
I have none of the same qualms about shouting. It feels good hurling the complaints at him—a release without the nauseating horror I’m capable of at full rage.
The flesh-rending kind of shriek doesn’t prod at me at all. The monster inside me knows this anger isn’t about dealing out hurt but holding my own up as a banner.
“You came to me and acted so sweet. You let me open up to you completely—we shared something I’d never shared withanyone—and the whole time—it never would have happened—I never would have let you evenkissme if I’d had any idea why you’d been nice to me!”
“It’s the shittiest thing I’ve ever done to anyone,” Andreas says, his voice as strained as his agonized face. “I’m not going to make any excuses. I was so fucking wrong, and I wish I could go back and pummel some sense into me.”
But as the words come out, I realize that I want more. I don’t want him to justify what he did, but I need some kind of explanation.
“Why?” I say, abruptly choking up. “Why would you do that to me, after everything we’d been through before, after— How could you treat me like that?”
Andreas tenses. “Riva, I don’t even want to try to say it makes sense?—”
“But it did,” I break in. “When it was happening, you thought you were right. Make me understand.”
The last sentence reverberates through the air with the firmness of a command.
A shadow crosses Andreas’s face, but he keeps gazing up at me. “I—I don’t know if you’ll understand. But I can tell you everything along the way.”
