Page 540 of Shadowblood Souls
And then I seem to dissolve. For a second, the breeze passes right through my chest.
My hands clutch at the air as if I’ll find something to hold on to there. My thoughts whirl. When I glance down at myself, my arms look hazy, the grass showing through them.
My feet. Where are my feet? I can’t even feel them—it’s like my legs end at my knees, and?—
“Hey!”
A hand closes around my shoulder. Firm, present, bringing my physical presence back into sharper focus.
My head snaps up. Toni is standing next to me, her eyes wide and her hair windblown as if she ran over.
I’m here. I’m still here.
An eerie tingling sensation keeps jittering through my nerves, like my entire body has fallen asleep and is now writhing with pins and needles. Clenching my jaw, I pull and pull at my sense of myself, dragging every bit of me back into full reality.
By the time I’m totally confident that I’m solid again, sweat is trickling down my back despite the cool winter air. My breath rasps in my throat.
“Fuck,” I mutter, hopelessness knotting my gut. The two-hour alert hadn’t even gone off yet.
I’m not going to be able to give the others much more of an advantage—not without risking their entire existence.
The hand drops from my shoulder, and I’m abruptly aware of Toni still standing there next to me. “Are you all right?”
I manage to aim a tight smile at her. “Yeah. Now. Sorry if I startled you—and thank you.”
Toni blinks at me as if she’s still having trouble seeing me. “What happened there?”
I shrug. “What’s always happened if I try to hold on to the invisibility for too long. I wasn’t sure… I haven’t let myself give it my all since the procedures and everything.”
Toni gives me a grimace that feels almost like a disapproving teacher, as much as I have any idea what that feels like. “Youshouldn’ttake it that far. It doesn’t help anyone if you can’t come back. Are you totally okay now? Should I get Rollick or your friends or?—?”
I wave off her concerned questions. “It’s over. I’m good now.” Other than the sense of failure and the pit of existential dread that’s reappeared in the bottom of my stomach.
My smile loosens and turns crooked at the same time. “I’m just trying to figure out how Icanhelp as much as possible. I’m not much good for forcing open locks or cutting down super villains.”
Something shifts in Toni’s expression. Her mouth tenses, almost as if she’s upset, but her voice comes out softer. “I know a little something about being most valued when you’re unseen. But I also know you can erase yourself too much and regret it.”
A lump rises in my throat. I hadn’t expected to find myself sympathizing with Balthazar’s star employee, but there’s no denying how much she means those words.
I don’t think I’d ever want to take another peek inside her head to find out how much she forced herself to tolerate over the years.
Toni eases back a step as if she suspects I’d prefer more space. Then her head cocks. “The invisibility isn’t your only power. Your main focus is memory, isn’t it?”
I swipe my hand over my face as if to reassure myself that all of my features are still there. “Yeah. But it isn’t much help in tackling psychopaths. I can distract people by projecting memories, but that doesn’t get us very far.”
“And you can erase memories as well.” Toni’s gaze turns pensive. “If you could do that to Balthazar—simply wipe out all the experiences that made him want to carry out his crusade against the shadowkind?—”
I let out a shaky chuckle. “I wish it could be that easy. I’d have to be near him to wipe his mind, and completely blanking a person takes some time. If we want to be sure of stopping him, we’re better off getting any of the other shadowbloods in there—except Griffin, I guess. Riva, Jacob, Zian, and maybe even Dom could end him in a second or two.”
I say the words without thinking and then pause, remembering that even if she’s thrown her lot in with us, this woman was dedicated for more than a decade to the man I’m talking so casually about killing.
“Unless you’re hoping we can end this without him dead,” I add. “I didn’t mean—after everything he put us through and everything he’s doing now, that’s where my mind automatically goes.”
Toni nods without an indication of offense taken. “I can understand that. With everything I’ve seen, I can’t say you’re wrong to think that way either. Consider my suggestion just some brainstorming. With all his plans and resources, who knows what tricks we might need to turn to if we’re going to stop him?”
I laugh with a little actual humor this time. “Fair point. If it comes down to me and I get the chance, I’ll definitely give him a case of amnesia. That just doesn’t seem like a great opening gambit.”
We drift back toward the house, silence falling between us. There isn’t a whole lot to say to each other after that.
